Mixing Helpfulness and Humor Since 2005

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Dishwasher Tip of the Day

If you are a guy and you normally wash everything in the dishwasher including skillets and knives and you think "Is this dishwasher safe?" It probably isn't. If there are more then one of you and you both think "Is this dishwasher safe?" then it is definitely not.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Gift Tip of the Day

With the holidays just around the corner, undoubtedly you're looking for some great gifts for the loved ones in your life. May we suggest the iPod Invisa.™

Monday, November 28, 2005

iPod Tip of the Day

Thanks to the wonders of failed marketing you can get a brand new iPod shuffle for only $80. HP and Apple had a deal where HP would sell iPods and the only difference from Apple's iPod was an HP logo. Well that agreement only lasted a year or so, but there are still some left in stock and they are trying to get rid of them. Head on over to MacMall and get some cheap iPod shuffles while they are still in stock. Or go to hpshopping.com and get some iPod accessories for 15-60% off.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Boredom Tip of the Day

Warning: Random. If you're feeling bored, put a carrot in a binder clip. Then attach a string to the binder clip and swing it around like a medieval weapon.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Rental Tip of the Day

When renting a car, don't necessarily be scared away by seemingly generic companies like "Fox Rent-A-Car." It may end up they are a great value and great price. And, if you flirt with their sales manager a bit, they may be tempted to give you a huge discount on that nasty "under 25 renter" fee. Thank you Fox for making our LA trip a huge success.

Friday, November 25, 2005

Inlaw Tip of the Day

Everyone's families are quirky. But no one's family is more quirky than your husband/wife's or boyfriend/girlfriend's. Here are a few tips to help you minimize the awkwardity of the holiday season when you'll undoubtedly interact with some very weird individuals if the family is nice enough to invite you to join in the festivities. And remember, your significant other has had likely 20+ years to get used to these odd fellows. You're just meeting them.


1. Find an overly-gabbing, self-glorifying nincompoop to talk to. By finding one such person, you yourself can avoid small-talk. Just smile, nod, and let the holiday tryptophan kick in.


2. Sidestep the "Booby Hug." Every family's got one. The "booby-hugger." The person who insists on hugging WAY too close. Turn a booby-hug into a side hug and avoid the awkward press.


3. Wait for the awkward in-law to determine the greeting. Will it be a hug? A hand-shake? A kiss? Let the person you're meeting determine it. Nothing's worse than going in for a hug when the person only wants a shake.


4. When in doubt, ask any older male relative about "the war."


5. On second thought, avoid "the war." Could be a sensitive subject. If someone brings up "the war" it's OK to talk about. If they don't, you shouldn't be the one to ask.


6. Prepare yourself for insolent reactions from the little ones. If you ever say to a child called Laird, "Laird, this is my girlfriend Christine! Isn't she pretty?" He just might say, "NOOOOO....." He doesn't mean it. Even if he socks her in the shoulder afterwards. He's just a silly little noofer. Honest.


7. Brace yourself for every form of stuffing known to man.


8. Brace yourself for a slam on every possible race, nationality, gender, religious creed, and/or sexual orientation.


9. You can spend at least 3 hours milling around talking to everyone in earshot about how good the food is. Great conversation starter.


10. For fun, make crap up and tell it to old people. Tell them you won the lottery. Tell them you use to be a mummer. Tell them you know how to ride a unicycle. If they ever call you out on it, just claim THEY'RE making crap up. They're too old.


11. Take scary pictures of yourself and send them to your roommate to wish her a happy holiday.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Thanks Tip of the Day

We have a lot to be thankful for. Even if we're not making all the cash we want, or not exactly where we want to be, things are good. I thought for today's tip, we should all post a comment for one thing we're thankful for!

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Reproduction Tip of the Day

No, this is not what it sounds like. We are not that kind of tip production operation. Here's the tip: some plants can regenerate simply by placing a cut-off (by the way, how in the world do you wear those?) vine in some water! The vine will actually grow roots and spontaneously reproduce! It's a sight to behold.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Random Pay Phone Tip of the Day

This is pulled straight from a News.com Article:

"If you're really bored--and don't have to worry about long-distance phone bills--you can make calls to pay phones listed on this site and perhaps strike up a random conversation with whomever answers.

Aptly named Phoneswarm, the site is updated with a new number and location each week. We're still not exactly sure why it exists, but here's the FAQ for your edification."

Monday, November 21, 2005

Prank Tip of the Day

Bored? Call up your local Wal-mart, and with the best Nicholasville accent you can muster, utter the words, "Yes, is this Wal-Mark?" And proceed to ask the receptionist how to "git yer pitchers from yer pitcher-taker to your terminal, and to the Wal-Mark photo center." Also ask, "do I need an Internet?" It'll be a great evening of fun.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

CD Tip of the Day

We all know that metal and microwaves don't mix. One would infer from this statement that it would be a bad idea to place a CD in a microwave, what with the metalic layer and all. However, the brain trust of Pete and Jay Enterprises have informed corporate headquarters that it actually won't harm the appliance to "nuke" a CD (assumed after involved microwaves managed to continue their task of heating edible matter without any apparent, negative effect. Hey, we're all still here). It's actually quite a show. Kids, before you try this at home, let your parents know. And to everyone who attempts, don't let the CD catch fire, make sure the CD is cool before removing, and beware of the smell. Burning plastic stinks. When finished, hold the CD up to a light to see the "lightning" pattern.*

*Pete & Jay's Tip O Da Day, Pete and Jay Enterprises, and it's contributors and constituents cannot be held liable for an action encouraged and/or resulting from this or any other tip. Readers assume all responsibility for the safety of their property and person.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Reserve Tip of the Day

Ever been out riding your new-to-you dirtbike and suddenly realized you're out of fuel and at least 5-10 minutes from home? Well, neither have we, until today that is. After coming this close to panicking, I remembered the reserve fuel position on the selector dial. That's right faithful readers, motorcycles (at least the Honda XR 100 variety) have a little thing known as a reserve fuel tank (aka, the-I-need-to-get-home-and-was-dumb-enough-not-to-bring-extra-fuel-with-me tank). So don't forget it and rest assured. Happy riding.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Fly Tip of the Day

If you want nuts, don't fly Northworst--I mean, Northwest. Not only do they serve Pepsi products (how dare they), they also don't serve ANY snacking mechanism on most flights, but will "conveniently" charge you $3 for a "snack caddy." On top of your already expensive fare.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Mud Tip of the Day

If you're working in the makeup department of a film, and you need to "muddy someone up," our research on the set of "Strong Medicine" has shown us that pudding works best. And, it seems like you could create a tasty ice-breaker game for your actors with it as well. :-)

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Elf Tip of the Day

Now it can be very confusing when it comes to figuring out which small mythological humanoid type creatures are to blame when things aren't as you remember leaving them. At work when you come in the next morning and one of your files you know you saved the day before is mysteriously missing, you can likely assume gnomes are the cause of the trouble. All gnomes are mischievious, but not all gnomes are necessarily evil like gremlins. Gnomes, such as the garden variety, are inherently good, but still mischievious. Just imagine what would happen if you put the Travelocity gnome and the Orbitz marionettes in the same room.

Now on the other side, if something good happens, you can pretty much make a safe bet and say that Elves did it. A) Elves are always good B) Elves have a past history for making things on humans' behalf. Now it is important to note that there are really three main types of elves. There are the little elves, such as those who make cookies and shoes, Santa's elves who are tireless workers, and full-sized "We are really good with arrows and generally hot-looking" Lord of the Rings elves.

So, in summary: Gnomes are mischievous, but if your desk is more organized then you remember it, it was probably an elf, but probably not Orlando Bloom. And we haven't even touched the topic of trolls and wood-sprites yet, much less dwarves.

Labels: , ,

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Glue Tip of the Day

Before using an unfamiliar toilet, please. Do yourself a favor. Make sure that the last jacker didn't put GLUE on the seat. Otherwise, you'll end up screaming for your life, passing out, and threatening to sue Home Depot or something. And folks, I'm not making this up. True story.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Gift Idea of the Day

If you still need gift ideas, SkyMall delivers again with their ever popular Animatronic Chimp Bust. Although if you can get a non-lifelike Animatronic bear head for free I would suggest saving yourself the $150.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Gooooogle Tip of the Day

Guess what kids? Our good friends over at Google have unleashed an exciting new phenomenon. Google video. Bookmark http://video.google.com and you can search for videos on darn near anything. This is one of my favorite searches here.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

LA Driving Tip of the Day

To conclude our week of LA driving tips, we bring you this. When driving in LA, always be sure to allow for at least one wrong turn. It's practically inevitable. At the very least, you'll have to drive PAST the intersection you need to find parking. At the very MOST, you'll accidentally go the wrong way and end up in Beverly Hills when you were supposed to end up in downtown LA. So, yeah. Give yourself an hour. Even if you're going 15 minutes -- yeah right -- away.

Friday, November 11, 2005

LA Driving Tip of the Day

In LA, note that rush hour is NOT simply during the hours of 5-6 on weekdays. No, it can actually be anytime. Even weekends. In fact, most of the time it IS rush hour. Yes, all day it is. Until about 11 at night. Moreover, if I ever make a comment like, "nah, we can leave later to get to the airport! It's Saturday--there won't be rush hour," then you can bet your sweet bippy  (origin of this phrase here) that you will spend at LEAST 30 minutes stuck in traffic. Don't tempt fate by saying those things.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Emergency Tip of the Day

If you ever need to book a plane flight for an emergency, such as a funeral, don't book a flight on-line. Call the airline direct and ask for an emergency rate. Yes, they'll have to verify the information, but it's worth the hassle for a ticket that's less than half the best price you could find on-line.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

LA Driving Tip of the Day

There is a wonderful thing in this modern world of ours called "Global Positioning Something" (which is commonly known as GPS). It is amazing. Thanks to the wonders of the US government satellites, you can with the use of a relatively inexpensive device know exactly where you are in the world, down to a few feet. These things are super handy while your traveling. That may be in LA or rural Virginia. But if you are expecting to have navigational difficulties, and you have a GPS, just, now get this, USE IT. Cough up a couple bucks for batteries and stop getting lost. If you have a GPS there is almost no reason to worry about meandering down the wrong road for 20 minutes.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

LA Driving Tip of the Day

When driving in LA, you can basically pretend you're on the Autobahn. Why? Because police in LA have better things to do with their time than pull over three cronies in a Ford Focus doing 90 on the 101. They actually have real crime to fight. So, essentially, ignore all posted signs and placards referring to speed in the greater LA area.

Monday, November 07, 2005

LA Driving Tip of the Day

When driving more than 100 miles a day in Los Angeles, try as often as you can to make sure the E-brake is disengaged. Otherwise, you might render the brakes a little squeaky, and may find yourself getting made fun of by your passengers. Another tip would be to AUTO MANUFACTURERS. I know you try to skimp and save as often as possible, and there's nothing inherently wrong with that. However. Don't skimp on putting a "your-e-brake-is-on-you-idiot" light in. And in addition, make sure the e-brake actually does something. If you can drive 50 miles without knowing the e-brake is on, then it's not really doing its job. C'mon people. This was NOT my fault!

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Marriagability Tip of the Day

A Magoffin County woman is accused of taking an older nursing home patient to her home and pulling a gun on the nursing home staff who tried to retrieve the man she says she wanted to marry. Full Story

I know some people think they are desperate to get married, but that story shows true desperation. This tips really has 2 tips. Tip 1 (The funny tip): While, everyone wants to be wanted, no one really wants to be literally kidnaped at gun point. Its just not cool and can land you in jail, which kind of limits how often you'll be able to see the person you kidnaped. Tip 2 (the real tip): It seems more often then not, that when you become content with who you are as a single person, and stop pretending like you are desperate is just about the time God chooses to bring the right person into your life.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Quicksilver Tip of the Day

Quicksilver is a great piece of software I found for the Mac. If you're like me, you use many different programs each day, but don't necessarily want to keep scarcely used ones in your dock, and also don't want to try to remember where programs like "Network Utility" or "Disk Utility" are. I found a great solution in this program. Once installed, simply press F5, and type the first few letters of the program. Quicksilver immediately finds the application, and when you hit "Enter," you can open it effortlessly. Saves clicking on Mac HD, Applications, and scrolling to find it.

Friday, November 04, 2005

Ear Tip of the Day

Dried apricots, though good, have the texture of a human ear. Just so you know.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Top Ten Dumb Guy Tips For Avoiding The Bird Flu

These are from the Late Show with David Letterman from October 26

10. 'Before eating chicken, soak it in Lysol'
9. 'Don't lick unfamiliar pigeons'
8. 'Frighten birds by constantly meowing'
7. 'Stay away from basketball great Larry Bird'
6. 'Anti-bacterial smoothies'
5. 'Move to a place where there are no birds, like the moon'
4. 'Avoid birds that look like they're up to something'
3. 'Go back to the old Y2K bunker, start drinking'
2. 'Fill birdfeeder with Sucrets'
1. 'If you have a chicken, check for swelling in the McNuggets'"

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Reunion Tip of the Day

After surviving (and enjoying) my 10-year high school reunion this past weekend, I have a few helpful tips that I will post from time to time. I will begin with this one: Study your yearbook intensively before going, especially if you were a class officer and theoretically are supposed to know everyone. It is unavoidable--you will run into those five people at once who all know your name and you can only recall one of theirs. I will attest that God will provide moments of clarity that will allow you to spit out the correct name in association with the familiar face, but there will be blanks to fill. (The only reason they probably remembered my name was because I was e-mailing out reunion reminders...no fair.) Anyway, the trick to not appear as if you're blanking is a quick and nonchalant entry into a conversation (Oh, wow! How have you been doing? Do you still live around here?). Dazzle them with charm and in the meantime, you've bought time to remember their names. If there is an unfamiliar face in the mix of the familiar ones, verify that it's not a class member before trying this method on them.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Fashion Tip of the Day

Maybe you are wondering whether or not it is okay to buy a handbag so ridiculously sequined it looks like it was stolen from a Roccocco Period gypsy and carry it when you're wearing jeans and tennis shoes. It is not. The geisha workout look is out. Sorry.