Mixing Helpfulness and Humor Since 2005

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Sensitivity Tip of the Day

Let's say you're a guy and you're somewhat interested in keeping in touch with a girl you had one date with months ago, and you find out the girl needs firewood, just like you do. "Aha, sharing firewood is a good idea!" The girl thinks it could work too--having combustible material for her fireplace at a more reasonable cost and more manageable amount is great! (Girl has said she's not interested in dating said guy, but girl made unwise decision in instant messaging to be nice and playing the "just friends" card.) Let's say you call said girl on New Year's Eve to set up firewood plans and she is convalescencing with The 36-Hour Stomach Bug. This tip is two-fold:
  1. Do not ever go on endlessly about a recent relationship while having a conversation with a girl you hardly know that is writhing in pain and only keeping down crackers and ginger ale, even if she's given you the "just friends" card. In fact, this is a good tip for any person, whether ill or not--it's just not good to discuss your exes in-depth with people you hardly know, especially with members of the opposite sex.
  2. When said girl has to get off the phone quickly because she is going to be sick again, it's a good idea to check on her a day or two later to make sure she survived. Don't call her a week later--when she's still firewoodless--leaving a message that says, "Sorry about dropping the ball on the firewood. Some stuff 'came up,' Oh my gosh, I'll have to tell you about it," but never acknowledging that your last conversation ended abruptly due to illness.

I realize girl could be seen as being unreasonable, so, to be fair, a few follow up tips: Don't try to keep in touch with people you've been out on a date with, but with whom you know you share few values and interests. It's just not worth the confusion or the firewood. Also, be brutally honest when you're unable to chat and remind the caller you're worshiping the porcelain god. Or better yet, just turn off your phone until you're peachy keen again.

6 Comments:

Blogger JCo said...

Take control of that cell phone, don't let it rule you. There is a reason for the silence feature and the off button!

17 January, 2006 08:23

 
Blogger Jay said...

Wow, yeah. I'll keep all of those tips in mind. Is there any tip for actually throwing up ON the firewood? Or, throwing up firewood? Both of those would probably be realllllly bad.

17 January, 2006 12:15

 
Anonymous Andy said...

I bet a more compatable relationship could be found between a guy who has lots of wood that he doesnt need, and a girl who needs wood, but has none.

It would be like Jack Spratt. Only different.

17 January, 2006 13:46

 
Blogger Jay said...

I was taken aback by the fact that I couldn't remember who Jack Spratt was. But in my research, I uncovered an amazing MIDI file of the nursery rhyme tune. And learned this about Jack Spratt: "Jack Spratt could eat no fat; His wife could eat no lean. So between the two of them, they licked the platter clean." OK, who can't eat "lean?"

17 January, 2006 17:18

 
Anonymous Andy said...

Vitamins and minerals give me rickets.

17 January, 2006 18:52

 
Anonymous Andy said...

And hives.

17 January, 2006 18:53

 

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