Mixing Helpfulness and Humor Since 2005

Friday, March 31, 2006

Spare Key Tip of the Day

If you get into a fight with a friend who has your spare house key, be sure to make arrangements to pick up said key. It may happen that your now ex-friend chooses to mail your house key back to you through our United States Postal Service. It may also happen that someone less than upstanding will rip a hole in the envelope and steal your house key, only after taking a glance at the address on the envelope. If so, you will have to call your landlord for an emergency lock change. All this for a minor fee of $25 and an evening of anxiety over who might try to come through the door when you're no-so-calmly watching reruns of "Sex and The City." Moral of the story: Just don't mail a house key. Hmm, I'm thinking of a slogan for a national campaign.... "Friends don't let friends mail house keys." Yes, that will do.
-Becky

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Ironing Tip of the Day

X Games…old school. Extreme Walking…blah. Cow Tipping…requires manure dodging. For all of you who are burn out on the latest extreme thrill, well we have a new one for you, and it involves one of my favorite things to rant about. Well all other thrills bore, check out Extreme Ironing. Ironing in the kitchen is just so, well bland. Try ironing in a bog, or in a tree, or on a cliff. Now that's fun!

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Blinking Tip of the Day

Recently I was giving fellow contributor Steph some tips on how not to blink in every single picture she has taken. Being a habitual picture blinker my whole life, I could sympathize with her. Over the years, I've developed some strategies that work for me. First of all, most people make the subconscious mistake of trying to keep their eyes open during the entire focusing-please-smile-stop-giving-her-bunny-ears! process. By the time the flash comes, your poor dry eyes are overdue for a good blink. This is why you'll see me blinking like a crazed woman who's trying to morse code a very a long message to the person manning the camera. It's all about timing, however, and you have to pay close attention to what the cameraperson is doing. If you're not being distracted, you should be able to tell right before they actually take the picture. If it's a false alarm, resume your blinking pattern while they take the lens cap off or yell at the guy in the back row wreaking havoc. Right before they take it, the blinking ceases, and I make sure to relax my face into a normal pose. If there's anything worse than eyes closed, it's looking like you're trying too hard to keep them open. If you take these steps, when the flash comes, you should be all blinked out. After all you really only need to concentrate on keeping them open for a split second... it's all about prepping for and focusing for that second.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Pet Walking Tip O Da Day

If you find yourself taking your pet out for a stroll, make sure you have comfortable shoes on in case the stroll turns into a major hike. Trust me your feet will thank you.

Monday, March 27, 2006

Grapefruit Tip of the Day

Grapefruit can be very dangerous for those of us who don't wear glasses. Acid darts, shooting at your eye, isn't exactly the best way to start a morning in my opinion. But grapefruits are mighty tasty, especially ones picked fresh from the tree, yet a bit sour. It would be nice if you could put down a protective coat to keep your vision. Well, you can. Grab some honey, lather that on, and viola! You've got a sweet grapefruit that has much less chance of causing you to go blind.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Editing Tip of the Day

If you have a GAY boss and you're working in an edit bay, and he just happens to be stupid, when he comes up with an idea... refrain from saying... "Boss... that shot it GAY." It doesn't go over well. He'll look at you and say "it's gay?" and you will start laughing and say sorry, and then he won't speak to you for the rest of the day.

-Sarsat

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Stand Tip of the Night

Worried about knocking your glass of water off your nightstand? Or do you just have too much junk on your nightstand to fit a cup? Well just run to Wal-Mart and pick up your favorite cheap ol' car add-on cup holder and viola! You've got a great little bedside cup holder:

Friday, March 24, 2006

Accident Tip of the Day

Not all accidents are bad. The best accidental discoveries

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Transparency Tip of the Day

Before donning a new, very tight bathing suit for spring break, make sure to do a quick "transparency when wet" test. Especially when the suit has white in it. Don't wait until you're wading in ice-cold water on the beach and will have to walk back to the towel to find out your wet suit may now reveal sensitive data.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Shopping Cart Tip of the Day

When you're out shopping for groceries, it may be helpful to recall how you got to the store in the first place. If you drove your car, put your mind at ease - there is nothing more to worry about.

However, if you walked to the store, you should probably take care not to buy more groceries than you can reasonably carry back. Milk, for example, gets very heavy after as little as a half mile.

If you find yourself pushing a fully-loaded cart out the sliding doors into the parking lot and thinking to yourself, "Hmm, that's odd. Where's my car?" then it's already too late. You now have two options in front of you: 1) push the cart all the way home, drawing stares and ridicule, or 2) hide it in some dark corner of the shopping complex, and come back for it later in your car. Hopefully no one will have plundered it in your absence.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Seamstress Tip of the Day

You've showed up to work and your female co-worker happens to notice that your shirt is missing a button. Your co-worker smiles and hands you her handy pocket sewing kit. What do you do? (Aside from having her sew you up.)

First things first, thread your needle. To maximize sewing time and prevent pulling the thread out of the needle (it took you ten minutes to thread it before you discovered the little silver threading tool), pull both ends of the thread until they match evenly. Then knot both ends together by wrapping the thread around the tip of your finger and rolling it down. Sew the button
on your shirt by lining up the button hole. Most of the time you can still see where the old button was sewed on. Once you have finished attaching the button, tie the end off by running your needle and thread behind the button several times. Cut off the thread and needle. You're finished. Congratulations!

-Kacie

Monday, March 20, 2006

Credit Card Tip of the Day

Ok, so this is really kind of scary. You think Credit Card companies would not process applications that have been ripped up to avoid some good old fashioned credit theft. Well think again.

The Torn-Up Credit Card Application

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Jacker Tip of the Day

Need to learn how to not be a jacker? We've narrowed it down to one website. Check out dontbethatguy.com.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Tourney Tip of the Day

It being March Madness and all, there are few of us who can sit around luxuriously during the day, watching the games to our heart’s content. But when you have a bracket submitted in the office pool, it’s difficult to work too hard without always wondering what’s going on. On Thursday, I spent the day reloading my browser on the NCAA site. However, even as a faithful reloader, it seemed as if all the info was still a few minutes behind real time.

On Friday, Peter swooped in like the efficiency savior that he is and pointed me to ESPN. With no additional effort on your part, the scores, clock times, and games notes will refresh themselves… pretty much constantly. It’s the definitive place to watch the action for the discerning office worker.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Amateur Dog Fighting Tip Of The Day

I'm sure many of you out there with dogs have had these thoughts pass through your mind at one point or another: "How can I ensure my dog is well-balanced and prepared for the future? Should I try to get them interested in athletics, or would that merely be pushing my own expectations onto them? Well they come to resent me later in life?"

These are important concerns, but they can be easily dealt with. Simply present the opportunities before your dog, and let them move forward at their own pace. Don't urge them to conform to your own wishes, don't hassle them about practice, and don't critique their play after the big event. This should be fun for your pup, not a chore!

Most importantly, don't pressure them into a certain position - instead, let them develop their own roles. Some dogs ("playmakers") are naturally exuberant and love to take a leadership role, instigating plays and trying to match wits with other dogs around them. Other dogs ("reinforcers") are more content taking their cues from the playmakers, following their lead, while still developing their own techniques. And still others ("coaches") might prefer to stay out of the action altogether, instead cheering their teammates to success and offering strategy and encouragement from the sidelines.

As always, it is important that the game remains fun. If you see your pup getting too emotionally involved and/or frustrated, it may be time to give them a breather, to focus on something else, and return to the game another day.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Acronym Tip of the Day

Much to my chagrin, the Italian BMT is officially named after the Brooklyn-Manhattan Transit. So do not try as I did to order a twelve inch Biggest Meatiest Tastiest from Subway. They look at you really weird when you do that.
-Thor

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

411 Tip of the Day

"Cell phone companies are charging us $1.00 or more for 411 information calls when they don't have to. When you need to use the 411 information option, simply dial 800-FREE-411 or 800-373-3411 without incurring a charge at all, except for the minutes required to make the call. This works on your home phone also. 1-800-Free411"

Because there is always a catch, we did find that you will hear some ads. Your number may be given to their advertisers, kind of fishy about that. But nothing a quick signup at the do not call list can't handle.

Thanks You Tamera

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Potato-Buddy Tip of the Day

Potato with a face

Many of you have read and loved our Walnut Buddy Tip from yesteryear which is why we bring you this tip. If you want to have a guaranteed smile every time you approach your kitchen window, simply take a small, shriveled, dried-up potato with a scary sprouting head-adornment like this little guy and place a smiley face on him using a Sharpie. When others let you down, this little guy will not. You'll always come home to his face smiling. And thanks to the Potato Blight™ it should be easy to find under-sized (but perfectly sized for our little venture) potatoes everywhere from Wal-Mart to Kroger. Sure, dogs will always give you love and affection and will never be mad at you, but our potato friend won't pee on your carpet. It's the perfect pet!

Monday, March 13, 2006

Region Tip of the Day

You know your in the south when your local 11:00 news starts out with this shocking headline: "Channel 36 was first on the scene at Waffle House…"

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Music Tip of the Day

My co-worker (not Pete) lured me into this one, although once I was in, I didn't regret it. In fact, here I am to pass my newfound wisdom onto you! At yourmusic.com all CDs are $5.99 with free shipping ALL THE TIME. Call me old school, and I love iTunes as much as the next girl (3 1/2 years and running), but I still like to buy a full-fledged CD - jewel case, insert, the works - now and then. To participate, you do have to join. The only requirement is that you buy at least one CD a month. You can quit at anytime. No seriously - ANY time. Also, you can buy as many CDs as you want. Buy one, buy 100 - all CDs on the site are $5.99 and free shipping. The (small) trick is this: on approximately the 10th of each month, they will charge you for one CD and send you whichever CD you have next in your queue. If there are no CDs in your queue, they'll charge you anyways and you won't get a CD. It's pretty easy to keep your queue full however - I'm currently lined up through July. They don't have everything on the site, as I've searched for several CDs I've wanted to no avail. But they have plenty that I do want, and for 6 bucks, and minimal red tape and soul-selling, I'm not complaining.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Routing Tip of the Day

Having trouble connecting multiple routers on your same network but remaining in the same subnet? Sure, we all have such problems. Well, fortunately, it's easy and FUN to fix this problem. Just follow this dude's instructions.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Espresso Tip of the Day

After several years of being a barrista at several coffee shops in college, I have some tips, some of which are more useful than others:
  • Make sure you turn off the wand that froths the milk before removing the frothing pitcher. It can get very messy.
  • Never grab the wand that froths the milk with your bare hands directly after steaming the milk.
  • If you run out of decaf beans, refill the bin with regular beans (I followed manager's instructions on this one.
  • There's no such thing as too much whipped cream, especially on the "mistake" drinks. ;-)
  • If you are acutely sensitive to smells, take your work clothes and put them straight into the hamper or in the wash when you get home. Otherwise, when you return to the room that contains them, you might be nearly knocked over by the smell that you used to find so pleasant. (Thankfully, I got over that, and love the smell of coffee again.)
  • If you work in a mall coffee shop, serve your customers with a big smile, even when they are mad at the world and decide to take it out on their neighborhood barrista.
  • Put Harry Connick, Jr.'s Christmas CD on loop and watch as your coworkers go slowly mad.
  • On New Year's Day, put the white Christmas lights that line the store on "race"mode, so that when revelers walk in for their caffeine dose and notice the lights, they clutch their stomach and cover their eyes.
-StephChurch

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Spelling Tip of the Day

Believe it or not. There are actually different spellings for a male or female person engaged to be married. Fiancé vs. Fiancée. Pronounced, however, exactly the same.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Tossing Tip of the Day

If you're about to throw your computer out the window, make sure there is no one out there mowing the lawn or anything first.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Pet-Sitting Tip of the Day

If you enjoy pet/house sitting for a particular client, write them a note to read on their return that describes how the week went and how much their animal missed them, and leave a few surprises around the house to let them know you care. For example, leave a photo like this on the desktop of their home computer, or write "I LUV MURPHY" with the kids' refrigerator magnets. Besides being honest (I do love Murphy the Dalmation), it makes the client rest easy during their trips, knowing that you've got their household under control.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Water Cooler Tip of the Day

I am actually wondering why water coolers place the spouts so low you would have to be a chimpanzee to get a glass of water without bending over slightly or have extra long arms to reach the spouts. What is the deal with this? And does anyone have any suggestions for us non-chimp users?

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Fraud Tip of the Day

So many of us have received an email that looks like its from PayPal, CitiBank, eBay, AOL or some other bank saying that we need to log in and verify our account info. Well, these aren't actually from the company they say they are. They are trying to steal your account info from you. The practice is known as phishing. Well the FBI really doesn't like fraud one bit, so they've set up a page describing many common fraud schemes and what you can do to protect yourself.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Google Tip of the Day

What to know what a word means? Just go to Google and do a search with "Define:" before the word, such as "define: rhinestone" Or if you are on the go, you can send a text message such as "Define Goyim" to "92466" (spells "Yahoo").

Friday, March 03, 2006

Undating Tip of the Day

Ok, so you were hoping that that creepy guy wouldn't talk to you, but he did and now he wants to "get to know you." Well just to be safe, give him a papernapkin.net email address. Yeah, then when that creep tries to email you, he'll be greeted with:

Subject: Nice to hear from you

Ha ha, just kidding. Actually, this is a rejection letter. The person who gave you this email address does not want to have anything to do with you.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Secret tip of the day

During a time of war, there are certain things you don't want people to know...where you are, where you're going, or what you're planning to do. So, if you're the president, and you expect your young 2nd Lieutenants to not tell their fiancees where they are, wouldn't it be a good idea to lead by example and not announce where you'll be keeping our U.S. brigades? Either way...ladies, if your man is getting ready to serve overseas, or men, if you're getting ready to go, when you're on the phone, don't follow our President's example, and be sure not to mention the name of the country that our troops are in. Consequence? They'll shut down the phone lines. All the phone lines. And you'll find a bunch of angry soldiers who've just been cut off from their loved ones. Not to mention...the enemy might be listening and find out that we're in K.... Oh, wait, didn't Bush already mention that?

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Step Tip of the Day


Need we say more?