Mixing Helpfulness and Humor Since 2005

Friday, June 30, 2006

GMC® Tip of the Day

When you think of Safari, what do you think of? This, or if you're a Mac geek, this. When you think of vehicles and safari's maybe you think of a Land Rover, but you most likely don't think of a mini van, a regular old American made mini-van. They just don't scream safari for some reason. Well that didn't keep GMC from naming a mini-van The GMC Safari™.

So today's tip, um, don't let GMC name your baby.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Gatorade® Tip of the Day

Contrary to what one might expect, Gatorade has little to no effect when used to water your houseplants. That special blend of Water, Carbohydrates, Sodium, Chloronium, and Potassium doesn't make the leaves greener or the stems stronger. They don't develop extra endurance, their hangovers are not cured, and they are neither rehydrated, replenished, nor even refueled. Disappointing, I know.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

DooWop Tip of the Day

The Doo Wop Shop in Lexington is a great place to rent sound equipment. But beware if you're buying harmonicas there. According to their receipt, you cannot get a cash refund on a faulty harmonica. Don't say you weren't warned.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Marsupial Repellent Tip of the Day

If you're trying to keep kangaroos off your lawn, use dingo urine, not coyote urine.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20060627/sc_nm/australia_dingo_dc

Monday, June 26, 2006

Oreo® Tip of the Day

Welcome to Corporate Week™ here at Tip O Da Day. And to make it extra special we're starting this week with a Double Stuf™ 2-for-1* tip.

I think I've discovered the perfect way to dunk an Oreo. It's perfect for maximum milk-loggedness as well as providing the least finger-to-milk contact. Additionally, it assures you get the perfect size bite of precious chocolate wafer cookie. First, start with your cookie facing you so you can read the work "Oreo" on one side. With the word "Oreo" right reading, dip the cookie in, only to the middle of the baseline of the text. Soak for about 20 seconds. Bite off the milk-logged section, chew, enjoy. Now you're left with a veritable "half-moon" Oreo. Grab the half-moon by the tippy tippy top corner. (Because the tippy top is so small, you can make contact with only a tiny portion of the cookie. Dip it in longways. You'll find that almost the entire cookie got a milky bath and your fingers remain delightfully untainted by dairy drippings. (ew). Do be careful, though that you don't squeeze the half-moon too tightly. This could rupture the cookie from its filling, causing a disastrous dislodge to the bottom of your milk cup. Then you're left with Oreo sludge in the bottom. If this happens, rinse your glass IMMEDIATELY because if the sludge dries to your cup, it will NEVER come off.
-Jay

I think I've discovered the perfect way to dunk an Oreo. You've got to dunk it like a mob boss. First, make sure your milk level in your glass (or mug as I perfer to use) is deep enough to cover the entire Oreo. Next, dunk the Oreo, but don't worry about getting your fingers wet. Make sure you have plenty of paper towels on hand, cause this will get a little messy. Dunk that Oreo down, way down, make sure it is completely covered. Now here is where the mob boss part comes in. Hold the cookie down there untill the bubbles stop. That way you know its completely dead. When the bubbles stop imedially remove the Oreo from its milky grave. Your cookie should now be throughly drenched, and be super soggy, but not too soggy that it will actually fall apart. Now all you have left to do is "dispose" of the body.
-Pete

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Test Tickle Tip of the Day

If your new puppy friend has a mysterious set of two bulges on a part of his body you'd rather not mention, and you know he's been fixed, you probably would be concerned. But, take heart. Your vet will likely inform you that these bulges mean he's "excited" and aren't, in fact, a hernia.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Misfortune Tip of the Day

We've all had questionable fortune cookies before. But now there's a site dedicated to insidious fortune cookies, called "Misfortune Cookies." Take a look at this wonder.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Bottle Tip of the Day

With Ale-8 releasing its sweet twist-off cap, it's easy to assume that most glass bottles would have a twist-off option. Yet, I've found it's a really bad idea to assume this, and commence twisting until your palms are nothing but bloody stumps. You might want to look for the words "twist-off" first.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Tuna Fish Tip of the Day

This tip reminds me of a joke that needs to be added to Pete's "Bad Joke Night Queue." It goes something like this: "Why don't fish like to play musical instruments? Because you can tune a piano, but you can't 'tuna fish.'" I know, I'm hilarious. But, there is a real tip here. Be careful when making a tuna melt. You may be thinking, "Gosh, Jay, making a tuna melt is so easy," and typically it is. But about as soon as you say that, the tuna will have its revenge on you. You see, whether albacore, dolphin-safe, bumblebee, chicken of the sea, packed in water, or oil, tuna does NOT like being confined (by the way, that's not our first photo posted from "LimberMen.com) to those pesky little cans. So, once you free all the little tunas, they may opt to jump at you, much like flying fish. You see, tuna, being all light and fluffy, has a tendency to scintillatingly "POP" whilst touching a hot pan. So when you're lackadaisically searing your tasty treat, any tuna escapees will be trying to jump out of the pan, and into your eye. Now, don't blame the tuna. It's really not his/her fault. (S)he kinda had a rough life. So, let 'em jump around a bit, but just be careful. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Yesterday Tip of the Day

This hadn't occurred to me! Yesterday
all my trouble seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they`re here to stay
Oh I believe in yesterday
Suddenly
I`m not half the man I used to be
there`s a shaddow hanging over me
Oh yesterday came suddenly
Why she had to go I don`t know
she wouldn`t say
I said something wrong
Now I long for yesterday
Yesterday
Love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh I believe in yesterday
Why she had to go.......
Yesterday
Love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh, I believe in yesterday
Mm mm mm mm mm mm mm............

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Drying Tip of the Day

You were cleaning and in the process your inside door mat made it outside. Then a huge rainstorm came and soaked the rug. All is good up to this point. The problem comes, when attempting to dry out the doormat, you decide to stick it in the dryer. When you go to take it out of the dryer, you realize that your previously white dryer is now more of an ivory color. Not good, but at least it cleans up with a little water and alot of paper towels.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Home Selling Tip of the Day

You want to get out of your house. Like I mean really get out, for good. Well, make sure the realtor/landlady (ok, to be politically correct here, landgentleman/landperson/landmarsupial whatever the case may be) actually has a way to get into the house. Evedently, many people actually want to look at the place before signing on the dotted line. Weird.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

e-Grocery Tip of the Day

Need to restock your pantry, but can't muster the motivation it would require to get up and go to one of the twelve Krogers that are within walking distance of your house? Never fear! With each passing day, the internet is making it easier and easier to be as lazy as you wish. The grocery section of Amazon.com is in beta testing now, offering brands from Betty Crocker to Bear Naked.

Of course, sometimes you may have to settle for off-brands, but at least you can avoid any unnecessary social awkwardness.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Safari Tip of the Day

If you are clicking on a link that takes you straight to an MP3, a lot of times its a free song or something you would want to save, and a lot of times its hard to figure out how to save that. Well Apple takes a whole two steps out of the process. In Safari, right click on the link and you'll see an option for "Open with iTunes" Pretty cool eh?

Friday, June 16, 2006

Water Tower Tip of the Day

If a water tower is wearing a skirt it is probably a girl.

-Thanks JMo

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Hiccup List of the Day

"I have violently strong hic ups right now. Very embarrassing in a cubicle atmosphere. Any suggestions on how to get rid of them?"
  • Have someone jab you in the ribs
  • Go for a run
  • Make a trip to the otherside of the office
  • Get really mad because the Winter Olympics don't get on TV until 4 in the afternoon, and Summer Olympics just made so good background noise at work.
Thanks JMo and Kathryn

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Homemade iPod Tip of the Day

How to build your own iPod:

iPod ghetto

Because even impoverished African villagers deserve to have thousands of tunes at their fingertips...

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Dentist Tip of the Day

Things you might want to avoid:


Dentists with A.D.D. You might just have the wrong tooth extracted.

Monday, June 12, 2006

OldSkool Tip of the Day

Want to be taken back a few years? Download or listen to the "Siamese Cat" song from Lady and the Tramp. Sure to be a delightful walk down memory lane. :-) My favorite line is "where we finding baby there are milk nearby." I loved that movie. :-)

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Doctor Tip of the Day

Doctors are not built for speed.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Mugging Tip of the Day

So no one want to get mugged, whether it's just a faux-mug from a friend when you're getting out of your car, or a real mugging when walking to your tour bus. But if you're not one to fight back you could just train yourself in some slight of hand. Turns out mugging a magician isn't that easy. A couple poor crooks turned up empty handed when David Copperfield turned his pocket inside out to not reveal the passport, wallet and cell phone he was carrying.

Friday, June 09, 2006

Work Phrase List of the Day

We all have jobs. Here's a list of phrases you should say when trying to win people over in the corporate world.
  1. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
  2. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
  3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
  4. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
  5. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
  6. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
  7. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
  8. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
  9. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
  10. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
  11. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
  12. No, my powers can only be used for good.
  13. How about never? Is never good for you?
  14. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
  15. You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication.
  16. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
  17. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
  18. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
  19. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
  20. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!
  21. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
  22. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
  23. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
  24. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
  25. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Trampoline Tip of the Day

If your jumping on a trampoline over at someone elses house (ed note: also known as trespassing) barefoot make sure you watch out for those traingle shaped hook attachments. Jumping on one can cause some major bleeding!

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Simian Tip of the Day

If you know what's good for you, never trust a monkey. They will turn on you at the first opportunity.

The shifty little sneakers.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Pouting Tip of the Day

If your name is Powter and it don't make it look like you're pouting in your picture, it's just cheesy.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Work Lunch Tip of the Day

As our previous couple posts have pointed out. Life is busy. And sometimes work is busy too. So for those busy worker/livers you may be tempted to eat while you work. But that can be a pain and really messy. Sometimes what your eating needs two hands, leaving you very few hands to use to work with. One little lunch that works great is to make a sandwich on a hoagie roll. Pack it in a ziplock bag. Its long and skinny to make it easy to eat without having to look to see where the next most strategic bite comes from and putting it in the bag, lets you eat it out of the bag which means the bag catches most of the crumbs and doesn't crumb up your keyboard.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Church Tip of the Day

We're busy here at TodD and our only tip for you this Sunday is "go to church." It'll be good for you. :-)

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Saturday Tip of the Day

Saturdays are great days. Enjoy them while they last.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Krispy Kreme Tip of the Day

On no less than three occasions, when I've gone through the Krispy Kreme drive-thru on Richmond Road in Lexington, KY, and ordered ONE doughnut, they have simply handed me the doughnut at the pay window, and waved off my money. I even had a lady give me free coffee at a completely different Krispy Kreme in Mississippi once. I figure this happens for one of two reasons: I am extremely cute and charming to the extent that people feel an overwhelming desire to give me free stuff, or the Krispy Kreme staff has been trained to be generous. In the event it is due to my charm, it'd be good idea to have a little "just-in-case" cash ready when you try this.

And as for me hitting up the Krispy Kreme drive-thru like some sort of addict, don't you dare judge me.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

"Decisions, Decisions" Tip of the Day

Guys, I know we have a hard time deciding on things. Whether it's between sausage or canadian bacon, Ford or Chevy, holy matrimony or lifelong bachelorhood, Arsenal or Manchester United, Legos or Lincoln Logs. I admit, sometimes we get stuck, astounded by the vast array of options in front of us, afraid to commit to any one of them, for fear of offending the pepperoni.

But gentlemen, it's time we committed! Or as Shakespeare said, in a completely unrelated context, "Once more unto the breach, dear friends!"

So without further ado, I'd like to present you with the solutions to the quandaries introduced above:

1) Canadian bacon does have an exotic reputation going for it. After all, it's international! You can almost envision those stoic bacon miners, the wild and free men of the great white north, delving deep into the earth in pursuit of that elusive vein of canadian bacon ore! Sadly, and I don't mean to disillusion anyone, but it's really indiscernable from sliced ham. Save yourself the heartache - go with the sausage.

2) Here's a simple rule of thumb: Chevy for cars, Ford for trucks. Ford will never make a car to match the Corvette, and Chevy will never make a truck to challenge the F-350. It's practically an unspoken mutual acknowledgement. Not that anything could ever come close to the near-sublimity that is the Porsche 911 Carrera GT2.

3) Here's a no-brainer. As thoroughly fulfilling as Madden '06 no doubt seems at the moment, it will eventually leave a void that not even Madden '07 can fill. Unless you can stomach the thought of your significant other making out/having kids/growing old/finding perpetual bliss/playing Madden with someone else while you languish in the increasing solitude of middle age, this shouldn't be a difficult decision.

4) Go with Arsenal. Clearly.

5) As cool as Lincoln Logs are (and they're pretty cool), they don't even begin to compare to the awesome glory that is Lego. Who doesn't get a thrill, a rush of adrenaline when they see those plastic blocks? Who hasn't known the joy of putting together a 1,000-piece castle or pirate ship or space station? Who hasn't secretly wished for a head with a peg on top, that you could snap your hat onto? Pick the Legos.