Mixing Helpfulness and Humor Since 2005

Friday, September 29, 2006

Post-Run Tip of the Day

This is a tip for those who might run where giant swarms of gnats sometimes loiter by the side of the road. This tip stems from a run on the Mayan Riviera in Mexico, but I've encountered swarms of gnats in Virginia and Kentucky as well.

After your run, always stop and look in a mirror before going into public. Otherwise, you might actually complete a transaction at the resort store and greet five people before realizing you have up to 15 gnats stuck to your face and neck.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Party-Starting Tip of the Day

Occasionally you find yourself in a questionable party situation. For example, let's say there's a decent DJ playing run-of-the-mill Top 40 music, a huge dance floor, plenty of able-bodied people (at least 140 athletes who have just completed a triathlon and are pretty wired about it), but NO ONE one out there dancing. (Believe it or not, not everyone has as much dance floor camaraderie as the ToDd gang!)

The solution: Teaching your friends and teammates--most of whom are reluctant dancers--the samba line dance (Thank you, Amanda!!).
  1. Sell the idea long before the party starts...two days ahead of time will work ("I have to teach you this awesome samba line dance at the celebration party. It's hands-down better than any Electric Slide or the Macarena.") Talk it up until they agree to learn.
  2. Confirm that said party is slow. While they are playing something akin to "Wind Beneath My Wings," pull your teammates--the enthusiastic and the skeptical--to the back of the ballroom, and teach them the samba line dance steps. You might find your 69-year-old coach is your most willing and quick-to-catch-on participant!!
  3. Send one of the bystanders up to the DJ to request "Let's Get it Started."
  4. When the first strains of the song hit the speakers, get out there with your teammates and their new skillz!
  5. Watch the dance floor fill up with 50+ people, many of whom are watching your feet, trying to catch on to this new-fangled dance. :-)

Ahhh, success. ;-)

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

DMV Tip of the Day

The LFUCG Drivers License office appears to be now using the "candid technique" to take your drivers license picture. That advertise that there will be not flash but now before you even know they were thinking about taking your picture they hand you your new license. As an added bonus you can't use your awesome picture from your last license like you used to be able to do.

So as soon as you enter the doors to that dark and gloomy place, just think about Elvis and smile!

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Let's NOT Wait in Line Tip O Da Day

If you are one of the many people who strategically plan a trip to an amusement park to aviod 2+ hour waits to get on a ride, the planning just got easier...Eat a roach!

Monday, September 25, 2006

Spider Tip of the Day

With Halloween just around the corner--

(TIME OUT. I just realized Halloween is NOT just around the corner, but Nicholasville residents seem to think it is with the alarming number of hobgoblins, graveyard scenes, etc. in their yards, and they have thusly confused me)

--we pretty much have to resign ourselves to the thought that there will be a lot of spiders around. In light of that, here's what to do when confronted with a nasty little jacker you want to dispose of. First, those stupid little bug vacuums from Sharper Image do NOT work on a Florida-sized spider, you know, the ones that look you in the eye, can talk to you, have opposing digits. Here's the next piece of advice, from Peter, in his words:




Next, once you do relocate the nasty jacker, it's important to trash talk him. It helps elevate his blood pressure, and causes him get confused, unable to think for himself. He'll get himself backed into a corner and will be sweating profusely. You can say to him, "that'll teach you to mess with me, fool!" or "what are you going to do now, punk?" or "who's your daddy, toolface?" Any of them work. Then, kill him, and dispose of the body. Apparently someone else out there in cyberspace had a pretty funny encounter with a spider. And if you don't mind a comical use of the "f-word" and blatant disregard for using the proper "it's", check out this site.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Screenshot Tip of the Weekend

When taking screen shots, on OS X. Like normal you would probably hit Command-Shift-4 To take a shot of just part of the screen, but if you just want one window, tap the space bar and your cursor will change from a crosshair into a little camera. Now you can just click on the window you want to capture, and vola, you have a nice little picture of just that window. And as an added bonus you don't have what used to be behind that window showing through on the rounded corners or anything.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Happy! Tip of the Day

"Alot of the really big things that can happen in your life really don't have that much of an impact on overall happyness", or would we call that joy.

Anyway, that's at least what a crazy dude with a web cam says in his show from yesterday. But at least he's referencing some book or something, which is way more science based then anything we usually do around here. So now it appears that there is some sort of measured evidence that getting rich will make you happy.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Understanding Tip of the Day

Sometimes its best to get both sides of the story before rushing to judgement. Its kind of like putting yourself in the other person's shoes but to the extreme, its more of trying to figure out what they were thinking when they picked out those shoes in the morning.


Comic © 2006 - Baby Blues Partnership. Distributed by King Features Syndicate

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Pee Tip of the Day

Want to know how to get that unpleasant cat urine smell out of your house? Well, check out this site which is an invaluable asset. Especially helpful are the comments by "fool," "Bruno," "Kitten," and "JoJo."

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Pirate Tip o' t' Day

Arrr, yet again it be "International Talk Like a Pirate Day". So don't look like a land lubber, brush up on your pirate lingo and join in on some pillaging. Who knows by t' end o' t' day you may have an eye patch, a swearin' parrot, a wooden limb and be covered in sea barnicals.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Name Change Tip of the Day Part 5

After you've changed over all your bills and identification, don't forget to go into work and change your name as well. All your tax forms, benefits, etc. Will need to be changed over. This can actually be done after you get social security. Your co-workers know who you are, and know you've been married, so they won't ask for ID. The social security just needs to be changed before tax forms are actually filed. I know, not the most glamorous set of tips, but I have a feeling they'll be of some use to some of you!

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Name Change Tip of the Day Part 4

For those of you marrying military, the deers system is one of the easiest things I've found to do yet. Yes, your new husband must go with you as they need to fingerprint him about 5 times to varify his identification...unless you just want to bring his right and left index fingers, as well as his id with you, but I don't think they'd buy that. All you need for that one is your marriage certificate and social security...don't worry, if you've just gone to change your social security and have been issued a temporary, very unofficial looking print out, they'll take that too! Apparently, while his identity is extremely important, you could be virtually anyone. No picture ID required or anything for you. Additionally, any National Guard or regualr Army personel office will do.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Name Change Tip of the Day Part 3

As our social security office has not changed its ways since before my parents got married (1975), some things in their system are a little bit slow. It doesn't matter when you go to change your drivers license if you have your new social security card or not...and it does take about a week to get, which I don't understand because it looks like they could use a typewriter on a piece of paper to do it. What matters is the 24-48 hours that it takes to get you into the system, so all name changing can not be done in the same day. You need to set aside an extra trip to the DMV for that!

Friday, September 15, 2006

Tri Tip of the Day

Goals in life our good to have. Conveniently goals come in all sorts of shapes and sizes: "Finish college in 3 years", "save enough for a down payment by the end of the year", "eat a whole pizza in one sitting". Some of us have more ambitious goals then others. Mine, for example is to go though an entire meal without spilling tea on my clothes. Others, maybe to run 10k and bike for 26 miles but only after a good mile swimming in a lake in the middle of Texas. Those who have ambitious goals always appreciate support from their friend and fellow tipsters. So if you happen to know someone who is competing in a triathlon this Sunday let them know you're praying and supporting them!

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Name Change Tip of the Day Part 2

After receiving your marriage certificates in the mail, the first thing you need to do is go to the social security office. This will need to be done in order to be able to change your drivers license. It's not a hard place to find. It's in the office park across Winchester Road from Hamburg and it has a big sign out front. It is usually crowded, so be patient. I'd go as soon as they open, just before 9 in the morning. If you have trouble downloading the forms as I did, don't worry, they have them in there on the right wall after the check-in machine, and you will have time to fill it out. You just need your certificate and drivers license.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Furniture Tip of the Day

Looking for a great deal on furniture in the Lexington area? Look no further. At American Freight Furniture Warehouse, you can find amazing deals on furniture, mainly because you're not paying for the luxorious showroom most furniture places offer. They've got really good stuff, but their location is nothing short of ghetto. If you've ever been afraid of being raped, pillaged or the like, bring a male escort with you.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Hair Tip of the Day

If you're in a wedding party, it's fun to make fun out of everyday items, such as a wig in the choir loft. There are a lot of fun photos that can result from such a find. Behold.




Monday, September 11, 2006

Emissions Tip of the Day

When moving to a state that requires your vehicles emissions to be tested (like Colorado), be sure to have that done before attempting to register your car at the DMV. Otherwise you may waste an hour and a half of your time before realizing they need those test results to process any paperwork. You'd think with all of the information passing by on the reader board, that they might think to include that as well.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Moving Tip of the Day

Official Rule just established today: If you're the last one moving out of the house and crap is left behind by other inhabitants, you are welcome to take whatever you want and keep if for your entire life. It's your right. :-)

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Name Change Tip of the Day Part 1

As I've been adventuring through changing my name lately, I've discovered a few things worth mentioning to all my unmarried female friends out there, some who will use these tips rather soon. So, the first tip is that while it takes a few days to get the actual marriage certificate in the mail, several things can be changed with the reciept that you recieve from the marriage license. For one, you can use that to change the name on most of the bills you receive. In addition, you may want to add your husband to these bills as well. The bank is tricky though, you have to keep on them to make sure the system took all your changes.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Acolyte List of the Week IV

  • We've all heard the phrase "speak softly but carry a large stick." Well, this applies to acolytion as well, sort of. We'd like to reword it "walk slowly when carrying a large stick." In other words, if you're "lightin' it up" you really need to walk slowly to get to your proverbial candles. Otherwise, your flame will burn out on that walk down the aisle. Then, you'll look like a tool, and have to fake light a bunch of candles ceremoniously. Now THAT is embarrassment.
  • Thursday, September 07, 2006

    Acolyte Tip of the Week III

  • So you're an acolyte. Awesome. We a TodD are proud of ya. Here's another tip for you. Resist the urge to scratch any part of your body with your poker/lighter/snuffer combo. The gold and shiny nature of said poker will lend itself to a lot of attention. People WILL notice you doing it. Similarly, resist the urge to tap people on the shoulder with it from afar. Aside from that joke being "SOOOO 90s," you also could end up poking an eye out.

  • Wednesday, September 06, 2006

    Acolyte Tip of the Week II

  • Don't use your heinously long lighter/snuffer combo to light up (a fatty) after church. Not only is it difficult, it's also tacky and looks presumptuous. It's basically like waving your hands in the air screaming, "I get to light all the candles!" Poor taste.

  • Tuesday, September 05, 2006

    Acolyte List of the Week

    Many of you young lads out there probably experienced the bliss of going to an über-traditional church, which probably afforded you the luxury of experiencing the bliss of being an acolyte. Aside from always having a light for anyone who wants to bum a smoke, you also get to play with fire all during the church service. (Which for a kid, at an über-traditional church is probably pretty fun compared to just sitting there.) But there are a few details you should know about before shaking your pyromaniac groove thang. So, we've put this mini-list of the week together. First thing you should remember:
  • Remember that lots of things in churches are flammable. These flammable items include, but are not limited to the following: tulle, draperies, the robe you're probably wearing, your friends' eyebrows, eyelashes and hair, the pews, carpeting, hairspray, Grandma's hair, your pet hamster and hymnals, Bibles and programs.
  • Monday, September 04, 2006

    Labor Tip of the Day

    When it's labor day, you can (and should) take a day off from tip-writing. Slacking. It's what our country was founded on™.

    Sunday, September 03, 2006

    Airport Tip of the Day

    If you're leaving at 4:00 AM after an adrenaline-filled late-night to take someone to an airport that's 1.5 hours away, you have a decision to make. Do you obtain about 2 hours of sleep before making the voyage? Or do you continue to ride out that adrenaline until you make it back? The answer? Listen to your body. (Which reminds me of that song, "Listen to Your Heart" by Tiffany.) Just be sure that regardless of your choice, you chug Mountain Dew by the gallon. (Or, I guess two-liter, or big-gulp.) Make sure to remember that after just a few hours of sleep, you may wake up feeling more groggy and disoriented that if you hadn't slept at all. Either way, bring giggly friends with you to keep you awake.

    Saturday, September 02, 2006

    Tip O Da Day Tip O Da Day

    If you haven't check out our magical site here recently, maybe well cause it went through a silent time, go back and check the days that didn't happen, because sometimes its better to just cover up gaps as opposed to acknowledging they are there. Kind of like wrinkles. So according to anyone, there were tips every day last week, what are you talking about? Just because work was crazy busy and people are busy getting married doesn't mean tips don't reveal themselves to our lives.

    Friday, September 01, 2006

    Illuminating Tip of the Day Week

    Next time one of your light bulbs burn out, consider replacing them with flourescent bulbs (CFLs)? They cost a little bit more, but it's worth it.

    - They last much longer than regular incandescents (up to 7 or 8 years).

    - They use much less electricity than an incandescent bulb to produce the same amount of light. (A 20-watt CFL emits more light than a 60-watt incandescent).

    - They don't get as hot, meaning your A/C doesn't have to work as hard, saving even more electricity.

    - All this electricity savings means less energy usage, which means less demand and lower prices, not just on electricity but on oil and eventually CFLs themselves.

    Wal-Mart is working together with GE to push them into the market and the public consciousness. It's basically a win-win situation. You save money, and you save the planet. Without even having to be a filthy hippie.