Mixing Helpfulness and Humor Since 2005

Monday, February 18, 2008

Matching Tip of the Day

If you have a rust colored jacket, and a rust colored scarf, you probably don't need to dye your hair to match.

H/T Renee

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Monday, October 08, 2007

Hair Tip of the Day

Do your pig/ponytails get tired easily? Simply rest them on the top of most headrests, to give them a break. They will be ready and raring to go for the rest of your busy day!

Jen's pigtials resting on the top of a car's headrest

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Monday, September 24, 2007

American Gladiator Tip of the Day

Friends, today is your lucky day, because NBC is bringing back American Gladiators, and they want you to try out!

The only requirements are:
- Must be a "warrior type," i.e. no Canadians
- Must be "BIG" (I hope they don't bring spandex back)
- Must be "bad," ex-cons feel free to apply
- Must be "athletic," so lay off the biscuits & gravy
- Must have "heart," sorry Tin-man
- Must have "skills," presumably with a bowstaff
- Must have "a desire to COMPETE," i.e. would you kill a man for a Klondike bar?

You will be tested in areas such as strength, speed, balance and agility. Also, you have to bring a non-returnable photo of yourself. (Ugly people need not apply!)

Go get 'em, tiger!

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Thursday, September 20, 2007

Scotland Tip of the Day 4

I picked this tip up from an actual Highlander, and yes, I know there are easier and less smelly ways to do this now a days, but if you feel like going old school...a way to clean and waterproof your kilt is to wash it in human urine! Yes, it's true. Back in the old days of the clans of Scotland, kilts were only washed once a year. The winter kilt was washed in the spring and the summer kilt was washed in the fall, and the were indeed washed in urine. I'm sure glad I wasn't visiting Scotland back then!

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Friday, August 31, 2007

Cheap Tip of the Day

So your reception is already 4k over budget, you gotta cut costs somehow. Why not make you're dress out of Quilted Northern. It's probably cheaper than buying a dress plus you might even win a couple hundred dollars.

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Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Deodorant Tip O Da Day

If you wear the clear gel deodorant, don't think that it means you won't get any on your clothes. You must wait until the deodorant dries before putting on that shirt or you may find wet spots on your shirt that do not dry clear and just proves deodorant is bound and determined to show up on an outfit.

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Thursday, July 26, 2007

German Living Tip of the Day Part 4

So, you're in Germany and you don't want to be spotted as an American right away. There are a few simple things you can do. First, your shoes are a dead give away. Ditch the brand name. The simpler the better, no running shoes. In fact, those shoes that would just slip on your feet with the elastic on the side, perhaps a checkered pattern on them, those are quite the trend over here. Second, the crazier the hair color the better. I've seen women walking down the street each with a stroller, and each with different, unnatural hair highlights. How you dress is important. Definitely dress like you're not trying to fit in. Guys, sagging the pants will not work, that's an obvious American thing. Carry Euros, because like I said, the credit cards aren't excepted everywhere because Germans don't use them. Of course, as soon as you go to order, the jig will be up (at least between you and your waitress). Oh, and make sure to stare at people as they walk by. It's a cultural thing...Germans like to stare. And, if they say something quick to you that seems like a greeting, say "Tag", it's short for Gutentag, or good day, but it's just day, like we use 'morning' when we say good morning. It's slang and short, so you'll totally fit in!

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Thursday, July 12, 2007

Tailoring Tip of the Day

As many of you know, mens' dress shirts are sized by a neck measurement. This works great for your neck, but if you're one of the rare Americans who isn't obese, a shirt that fits around your neck will probably be heinously large around your mid-section. Some shirt manufacturers offer an "athletic fit," but often this fit is hard to come by. In the event that you're stuck wearing a too-baggy-in-the-midsection shirt, follow this video tutorial for how to effortlessly tailor your own shirts, brought to you by Consumerist.com, via Fowler.

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Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Tact Tip of the Day

The old adage, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" is true. If someone asks, tell them, but if they don't ask for your negative opinion, just keep it to yourself.

Here are some real life examples of what not to say:
  • You don't exercise much?
  • What's up with your hair?...I don't like it.
  • I like your hair better the other way.
  • Do you have a cold? Is that why your nose is red?
Exceptions:
  • there is something hanging from someone's face or clothing
  • mullets (they deserve what they get)
  • mustaches (ditto)

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Friday, May 04, 2007

Submarine Tip of the Day VII

This is the last one; don't worry.

If you have purchased and worn your lead underwear from our previous tip, whatever you do, don't wear them in a situation where you might be given a wedgie, because chance are, a wedgie with a pair of lead underwear would not only REALLY hurt, it probably could also give you lead poisoning. Just food for thought.

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Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Submarine Tip of the Day IV

If you're on a nuclear sub, even though they say you're not exposed to THAT much radiation, we'd still recommend wearing a pair of patented lead underwear. BTW, I'm glad this lead underwear vendor clearly states "no returns." You never can be too safe.™ I'd rather be mocked by my fellow seamen than have radiated...eh...you get the pun.

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Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Miss America Tip of the Day

Don't mess with Miss America. Especially if she's 82 and from Kentucky. I personally like how she was the first redhead to have a color photograph taken. This from World Net Daily:

Tough isn't a word necessarily associated with Miss America, but three thieves arrested after their truck tires were shot out by 82-year-old Venus Ramey might beg to differ.

Ramey, who won the elite beauty crown in 1944, confronted one of the three robbers on her farm in Waynesburg, Ky., about 140 miles south of Cincinnati, the Cincinnati Enquirer reported.

"He was probably wetting his pants," said Ramey, who balanced on her walking stick as she pulled out a snub-nosed .38-caliber handgun.

Ramey said thieves for some time have been breaking into a building on her property where she stores century-old steel-shaping machines and other equipment to sell for scrap, according to the Enquirer.

On April 13, while feeding horses, she followed her dog when it ran over to the building, where a truck was parked in front.

She confronted a man who told her he was "scrapping" and would not leave.

"I said, 'Oh, no you won't,' and I shot their tires so they couldn't leave," Ramey told the Cincinnati paper.

She didn't think twice about shooting.

"I just went and did it. If they'd even dared come close to me, they'd be 6 feet under by now," she said.

Ramey flagged down a driver who called 911, and three people eventually were arrested, including one at the scene.

"They've been stealing from me for years. Those good-for-nothing slobs," she told the Enquirer.

Ramey began as a showgirl at the Beverly Hills Supper Club then ended up in Washington, D.C., working for the war effort, where she won a beauty contest. In 1944 she became Miss America, representing the District of Columbia.

She was the first redheaded Miss America and the first to be photographed in color, according to her bio on the beauty contest's website.

Ramey performed in vaudeville, and her picture adorned a B-17 bomber that flew 68 missions over Germany in World War II.

According to the Miss America website, Ramey was sought out for a major Hollywood film by legendary producer Milton Sperling of Warner Brothers Studio. But she was disgusted with show business and returned home to her Kentucky tobacco farm, married and began raising her two sons.

In Cincinnati in the 1970s, she helped lead a civic renewal project and made an unsuccessful bid for City Council.

Ramey returned to farm life in 1990 but hasn't found it entirely tranquil.

"I'm trying to live a quiet, peaceful life and stay out of trouble, and all it is, is one thing after another," she said.

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Monday, March 19, 2007

AAA Tip of the Day

Do you think that the AAA card is only good for a tow or getting your car unlocked? Well, think again...Show your Card & Save! You can save money at hotels, airlines, car rentals, restaurants, retail stores, etc. Specifically, you can save 15% at New York & Co. (even on sale items) and 20% at Payless for the month of March.

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Thursday, March 01, 2007

Delta Tee Tip of the Day


Turns out the aforementioned Delta SkyTeam Complimentary Tee can be used as a doggie diaper as well! Perfect tail hole! Also, the tee has been human tested for using the bathroom! It works GREAT!

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Thursday, March 03, 2005

Fashion Tip of the Day

If you are a tallish woman and you are forever looking for long-enough yoga/workout pants and/or you spend two minutes before each workout stretching your yoga pants down over your running shoes (so they will stay long enough for at least the hour that you're working out), have I got a tip for you! Cropped exercise pants are less expensive and give you basically the same look that you get when you're attempting full-length yoga pants--only somehow, it looks a lot more acceptable. I thought they might look and feel weird, but I actually felt less encumbered by them (nothing flapping about my ankles during my run), and they actually felt "cute!" (Typically my clothes feel functional and borderline frumpy at the gym.) I might be behind the workout fashion curve here, but in case there's someone else lagging behind with me, this has been the biggest find I've had in awhile. And you won't have to endure any more strange looks in the locker room as you go through your stretch-the-already-stretched-pants-longer routine.

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Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Fashion Tip of the Day

Did your pant or skirt hem unravel? Are you nowhere near a needle and thread, and more importantly an individual who knows how to hem with them (agh, Mom, where are you when I need you!?!)? Use double-stick tape to hold the hem until you can head tailorward. If your garmet is of a somewhat slippery fabric to which the tape won't stick, safety pins will do. If you're a woman, store a few safety pins in your change purse. If you're a guy, stow some away in the console or glove compartment of your car. Generally, women experience hemloss the most because they have zippers on boots and shoes that snag the stitching of pants or ankle-length skirts (and consequently leave a trail of thread three miles long, perhaps around the office and out to the elevator). But hey, guys, while you might not need them, if you have those safety pins handy and you end up rescuing a girl one day who's having some kind of fashion emergency or another, you will be considered a hero in her book (at least for the day!).

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Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Fashion Tip of the Day

Ladies, does your shirt or blouse sometimes gap inbetween buttons? You know how it is, after it undergoes washing, drying, and ironing, your shirt looks shipshape from the front, but if you sit down or reach to get a pen, suddenly you're Victoria-not-so-secret, whether you realize it or not. (Egads! So that's what Ernest in accounting was staring at in that meeting last week!) Instant modesty check: Install a strip of Velcro in these gappy areas and it keeps your blouse closed nicely. You might need to find someone who's handy with a needle and thread for this.

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Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Waxing Tip of the Day

If you're having your eyebrows (or anything for that matter) waxed by a new person, we recommend the following. Slyly inspect your waxing technician for their own follicle grooming habits. If they have more hair on their face than that monkey from "BJ and the Bear," or if they look as if they stopped getting their hair cut when Al Gore officially lost Florida, run for your life. Your eyebrows can wait another day or two for your own trusted stylist's schedule to open up. A few more days is a lot quicker than spending the next few months growing them out to the point that you no longer appear to have "angry eyes" all the time.

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Thursday, February 03, 2005

Fashion Tip Of the Day

If you're anything like me, you can't still for more than 5 minutes. And, that's dangerous when in dress clothes. One thing I hate about that combo is that because I'm tall-ish, I find that often my undershirt comes un-tucked leaving a menacing bunching, billowing, buffeting fluff around my mid-section, making me appear frumpy, old, and much like a cotton-headed ninny muggins. I thought this was something I was stuck with for life. But then I had an amazing realization. I thought, "What if I tucked my UNDERSHIRT into my UNDERWEAR?" It's amazing. My undershirt remains tucked in, no frump, no cottony bulge. It's an ALL-DAY fix. Readjust your tuck when using the restroom, and you will stay put all day. Now, I will caution you NOT to tuck your actual shirt into your underwear, because if your underwear rides up, people will see your underwear band and ask, "Dude, do you have your SHIRT tucked into your UNDERWEAR?" This has been tested on boxers and boxer briefs, but obviously "going commando" won't work here.

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Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Fashion Tip of the Day

or Metrosexual Tip of the Day

Guys, are you bored with your typical casual attire? Button-up shirt with the top (or top TWO if you're gutsy) buttons opened and an undershirt? Here's a real simple thing that can help your look. Try a different-colored undershirt. It can be any tee that either compliments or matches a color in the shirt. If you have trouble with that, ask a girl :-). But, as guys we have billions of tee shirts. Try a couple new combos to see what you can come up with. Once, a group of multi-aged women told me, "any greens go together." So, you can embrace that fact. Try any green with any other green to see what happens. If it's egregiously wrong, you need to have a woman in your life who can be brutally honest with you. It may sting, but it's for your own good.

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