Airline Fees Tip of the Day

Nothing riles me up like a sick badger more than hidden fees. Smarter Travel comes to the rescue with The "Ultimate" Guide to Airline fees

Allegiant Air Tip of the Day

You may or may not have heard of Allegiant Air, the bare bones/dirt cheep/nickle-and-dime-you airline. They can be a great inexpensive way to fly, but you'll end up paying a bit more then the $29 advertised. There are many fees and optional add-ons, but these tips can help you keep what you pay, still dirt cheap.

Avoid Fees

There are tons of hidden fees, some of them you can't get around but many of them you can.

Don't choose a seat When buying online, it almost looks like you have to pay a seating charge, but look closely, there is a little skip button that will save you some money. Don't worry they won't make you stand in the aisle.

Book at the airport: Allegiant is charging at $13.50 "convenience fee" for buying your ticket online (tack on another $10 for buying over the phone). Regulators said there has to be a way around the fee so you can buy a ticket at the ticket counter at the airport aka. "the old fashioned way". The trick is, their ticket counter is only open for 1 hour after a flight takes off, and for most airports Allegiant only flies a couple times a week. Here are the details. Luckily, most airports allow you to park your car free for 30 minutes.

Avoid checking a bag: You can carry on one piece of luggage that is no bigger than 22"x14"x9" aka. standard carry on size. Pack light or be ready to lighten you wallet. But with most carriers already charging for checked bags, its not that big of a surprise.

Some taxes and fees are unavoidable: On a recent purchase, there were around $10 in taxes and fees for each leg of the flight, also remember they're prices are one way, so you'll also need to fly back. $29+$10×2=still a good deal

What you won't get:

Snack No peanuts, not pretzels, no drinks, no nothing, oh that is unless you're willing to pay for it.
Tray Tables no need to worry about putting your seat backs and tray tables in their upright and locked position. There are not tray tables and your seat doesn't move.
SkyMall They don't have the iconic mail order catalog, but you can buy a Disney beach towel and other souvenirs on board. And don't even think you're getting a magazine to read.
Jetway While everyone else at the neighboring gates it walking to the airplane in air conditioned comfort, you'll be walking across the tarmac up to a ramp (at the Lexington Bluegrass Airport at least).
Frequent Flyer Miles Hah. Not that big of a deal, the programs only really benefit business and international travelers.

Cruise Fees Tip of the Day

Cruises are advertised as pretty cheap. It isn't rare to see prices below $200. I've even seen some short cruises advertised in the double digits. But as we know from cell phone companies, the advertised price isn't the price you write the check out for. Here are some of the hidden fees you can expect to pay:

Taxes and Fees:

Varies of course. But a 3 night Bahama cruise will have around $35 USD is taxes and fees

Fuel Surcharge

This was an issue in 2008 with high gas prices, but since oil prices have dropped, these fees have been dropped as well. But if oil prices climb again, be on the lookout!

Tip/Service Charge:

All cruise lines is require a service charge or recommend a tip amount. It varies slight by cruise line, but a good rule of thumb is $10 per person per day. For exact amounts based on your cruise line check out the Cruise tip Calculator

Excursions & Spa:

Sadly the onboard Spa isn't included in the price. Excursions are activities arranged by the cruiseline that you can choose to at the different ports the ship will stop at. All sorts of things are offered, from historic tours to para-sailing. These range from $10 to over $100 depending on what activities you choose to participate in (if any at all).

Transportation to Port:

If you live near the coast you can probably drive. There are ports that cruise ships leave from all up and down both sides of the you US. But you'll have to pay for parking. You'll pay even more then you would at the airport or a themepark for everyday your car is parked there. $15 a day can add up fast. If you don't drive you'll probably need to fly. You can arrange that with transportation to port with the cruise line or on your own.

Soda:

Almost all cruise ships include food in the main dinning room as part of the ticket price, including water and tea. But if you want cola it'll cost ya. If you really feel the need for hundreds of empty calories, it runs around $6 a day.

Bonus: Inspection Reports. The government inspects ships, and makes the results of those inspections available online. You may want to find out what your ship scored before you book.

New to cruising? This one page gives you a good idea of what to expect.

Harley Tip of the Day

Are you lonely and need a companion on those long motorcycle rides around
town? Here's an instant friend.



All credit on this picture goes to Renee

Speeding Tip of the Day

A little birdie told me that from May 19 through June 1, the Kentucky State Police have received a federal grant for writing tickets for speeding. Speaking of getting speeding tickets, I have also recently been informed about a useful website (whose interface could really use some maps) that lists common speedtraps around the country, called speedtraps.org.

Travel ID Tip of the Day

My tip may seem to be rather odd, but it can be a life saver- or at least a travel saver. See, I went to Iowa for a friend's wedding, and got my hair cut short. Ten inches off and donated to Locks of Love. The problem was that I only had a driver's license as a photo ID, and was using a bank receipt and SS card as back up IDs. No problem leaving. But then in Iowa, trying to fly home, the security officer looks at my drivers license of me as a long-haired sixteen-year-old, and says, "This isn't you." I laughed, I thought she was joking...she wasn't. I stood there panicking, trying to push the bank receipt on her, but she just kept repeating, "No. This in NOT you." My friend was verifying my Id, I was pulling out my SS card and insurance card, searching for my debit- which I've hide in my purse because then when souvenir shopping I have to think about if this cheesey junk is worth the effort. But she won't have it, instead she is insisting I stole someone's purse. I think when I curled up crying about not wanting to stay in Iowa as I'm from Arizona and it's too COLD, the male security guard decided to give pity as he shoved me through the metal detector, shoved all my stuff into a bin and slid it through the X-ray thing so I could get it. But from now on when I travel I not only take two picture ID's- a student and a driver's license- but I make sure one if with long hair, the other with short.
-Anonymous Guest

Traffic Tip of the Day

Sometimes traffic updates every 6 minutes just aren't fast enough. All too often I have heard a traffic update about an accident I'm already stuck in. To hedge off this problems, Google and Yahoo! both have traffic views on their maps applications. But for those of us at Tip O Da Day headquarters in Lexington, KY that feature doesn't work. But if you've listening to NPR, you are sure to have heard about the Lexington Traffic Management Center. NPR isn't getting any sort of special traffic feed from them, they are just reading off the info posted to the LFUCG Traffic Management Center website. So take a quick check before you head out the door in the morning. LFUCG also has a 24 hour traffic hotline (859-258-3611).

Packing Tip of the Day

When you travel alot it is easy to get cocky and not give yourself enough time to back, but you might think you have everything because you "do this all the time". Well that's where I am, but I still forget stuff, or at the very least go crazy trying to make sure I have everything. Just make a default packlist that you can print out before you go on a trip. It may not have everything you need, but it is meant to be a good start to make sure you have the basics/common items. I do it for video shoots at work, why for vacations?

Scotland Tip of the Day 5

A Scotsman will always correct you when you tell them "I speak the same language as you", or "You speak English here"! Why? Because Scotland very much wants to be independent, so what language will they say they speak? Scottish! They do have some different words to be sure...
A besom is a difficult woman, a birl is a spin, bonnie is beautiful, a dunt is a bump, and rather than saying highway robbery, they'd say daylight robbery. And of course, a Loch is a lake, such as Loch Ness, Loch Lochy (or Lake Lakey), and Loch Lamond, and a glen is a valley. While some of these terms come from the Gaelic, most of them are just the English word with a Scottish accent. They are overall, pretty easy to understand. One interesting thing is that once you officially cross over to the Highlands, not just the geographic highlands, all the signs have both Gaelic and English writing on it because Gaelic is an official language of the Highlands. The picture is Loch Lamond in the Highlands.

Scotland Tip of the Day 3

When going to a Scottish pub, it's a good idea to ask them how they got their name. Many of these pubs have very interesting stories behind their name. For example, Maggie Dickon's pub was named for a lady who was hanged in the square across from the pub. She was charged with concealing a pregnancy and hanged for the charge. As her friends were taking her body to the grave, they heard a scratching inside the box. As it turns out, she was only knocked unconscious from the hanging. It was determined that she'd been saved by God and when she was tried again, she was set free. From that point on, she was known as half-hanged Maggie. There is also "The World's End" which was named because it use to be on the edge of Edinburgh when it was walled in, so those from Edinburgh wouldn't have wanted to go beyond that wall. As far as they were concerned it was the World's End. Then there is the one pictured here...Deacon Broadies. He was a craftsman by day and a thief by night. He was executed for his crimes, but would live on in infamy in a story called "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde".

Scotland Tip of the Day 2

Scotland has its own native dishes. One such dish is haggis. With any breakfast it may look to an American as a common sausage, but rest assured, it's not. It's made mostly of lamb intestines/stomach and such organs along with some barley and spices. If it's coming with a buffet breakfast, because it's a native dish to the Scot's, it's probably worth a try, but if you really want to spend money on something truly Scottish, I'd recommend Irn Bru before I'd recommend haggis. Irn Bru is the native Scottish soft drink. It actually outsells Coke in Scotland. It's like an orange cream soda, is quite good if you ask me, and is available at any pub you'll find.

Scotland Tip of the Day 1

When arriving or leaving Scotland's Preswick Airport, train tickets to anywhere in Scotland are half price for passengers. So, as long as you don't mind a little extra time on a train, it's best when arriving to go ahead and buy your ticket for your final destination (provided you'll arrive there the same day), no matter how far. It will save lots of money! I'm not sure whether or not it's also true for the Edinburgh airport, but it's sure worth looking into before choosing your flights!

London Tip of the Day Part 10

Flying out of London...
Sure, it's easy to get in. That 2 hour time you have to show up at the airport at most airports, not entirely necessary. But in London...they mean business! There, when RyanAir says one bag for carry on, they mean it! I had a purse and a lap top, and they made me put my purse in the laptop bag to pass through security! Luci's bag weighed 10.3 kilos, and they made her adjust it to be less than 10! She'd gotten to London with a backpack and a suitcase both as carry-ons, but as we went back, not only did she have to take stuff out of the suitcase, but she had to pay an extra fee to check her bag.
Here's a tip though, they had her mark it as fragile so it would get put up at the front of the plane! Apparently, you can request that.
Because she'd gotten stopped at the security gate and sent back to check her bag, they shuffled her to the front. But I was still in line! We'd gotten there two hours early and finally made it to the gate when the plane was boarding! We were delayed about 10 minute taking off to unload the luggage for 12 passengers who had not made it through security on time! And, they close the check-in counter 40 minutes before boarding, so you know they were on time!

And, as this is the tip at the airport going home, yes, it's the last London tip. I know you're all so sad about that. But, I'll keep taking trips to random places so I can contribute to the wonderful tip of the day! My research is all for you! Next stop, Scotland!

London Tip of the Day Part 9

Any tour you take in London is going to be a good one. Their tour guides are rigorously trained...seriously, they spend 2 years in school and have to take 9 examinations at the end to prove their knowledge of English history before qualifying to apply for a job! Plus, after paying for all that, you'd better believe they love their job, and it shows. I took three tours in London...one to Leeds, Canterbury, and Dover. The next was a Jack the Ripper walk. The third was a walk with a "Beefeater" in the Tower of London. All of the tours were fantastic...the guides were both knowledgeable and entertaining. So no matter what tour you choose, your very likely to have someone who knows what they're doing. And, we discovered that it takes an average of 5 years to become a cab driver in the city because they have to know the streets so well and pass their own exam. London is really big on tourists! The picture above is the castle on the white cliffs of Dover.

London Tip of the Day Part 8

Booking things in advance...
Generally, booking things in advance is a good idea. You typically get better prices, better seating, etc...But, when you book a tour in advance, you pay the same price and you run the risk of losing that money if you have to cancel. Usually, in the states, if someone gets sick, you can get a refund if you are reasonable about it and cancel before hand. Unfortunately, customer service is a little lacking here. We called to cancel a tour, first of all they asked why they didn't get more notice. Their line was busy all morning. They also didn't get more notice because I'd just gotten sick. They told us the best they could do was 50% back, but as soon as we let them know that wasn't good enough, they sent us to expedia, who we booked through. Of course the best they could do was a $25 gift certificate! No go on that. So, lesson learned, if it's not a hotel room, a play, or a movie, I'm not booking in advance! Besides, since I've gotten here, I've discovered other tours that I'd like to do just as well, such as the "Jack the Ripper" tour!

London Tip of the Day Part 7

Want to find platform 9 3/4? Look no further than King's Cross train station in London, just like it says in the book. Yes, you can literally follow the signs for platforms 9-11, and right there between platforms 9 and 10, you'll find platform 9 3/4. Because everyone wants to go to the platform and get to Hogwarts (I wish it actually took you there), they don't even look at you funny when you ask where it is!

London Tip of the Day Part 6

One of the most famous things to go see in London is the changing of the guards at Buckingham Palace. It's a lot bigger than I thought. It involves an entire army band and a parade down the street. If you look real close, you can see that in their tall black hats, each soldier has a colored plume. There are 5 different colors that they could have. These colors signify where these soldiers are from. (Whales, Scottland, etc...) What may be even less known than that is that the changing of the guards actually starts at St. James palace where the guards come off duty. They start there, play a piece of music, then on with the marching to Buckingham Palace from there. Once you follow the band down the street, stick around after they've gone into the palace gates. There will also be a band coming from the other direction...from the barracks, the ones coming on duty. The picture is of the soldiers outside St. James.

London Tip of the Day Part 5

Still trying to save money on the big trip to London, but you really want to see some shows. They do have half price and discount ticket sales here. The only thing with these is that you should have looked up the prices on-line to see what you're willing to pay, and you'll need to ask them where the seats are. Seat pricing is odd here...you even pay more for certain seats in the movies! You in fact pay more to sit in the balcony at the movies! There is one theater here, I believe called the National Theater, where you pay 10 pounds and they have multiple stages with multiple productions going on. So with one price, you have a selection of plays from which to choose. So, if you're in town and want to see a play just to say you saw a play in London...there is one way to go! But if there is something specific, try the discount ticket places, you may just find a good deal.

London Tip of the Day Part 4

I know sometimes we are concerned with insurance when traveling overseas. What if I get sick? What if something happens and I need to see a doctor? Well, in London they have better health care than we do in the states. You can pay cash for a doctor. An emergency room visit will cost you about £50. Your other option is to have a doctor make a house call! That's right, the hotel will order a doctor right to your room for you for £160! Now that's what I call room service!

London Tip of the Day Part 3

No, in Germany, they don't drive on the left side of the road, but yes in England they do. Foot traffic is even opposite. Have no fear though, there are signs everywhere not only to remind you which side of the hall (in the subway stations) to walk on, but also where to look for traffic!

London Tip of the Day Part 2

We all know that London is super expensive. The US dollar will only buy us half a pound. And, you see prices over here like 10 pounds for a hamburger at a restaurant after tips and such...just like in the states where it's $10, but here, that makes that hamburger $20! It's outrageous! So, we have to find ways to cut the cost a bit. One way to do that is to purchase the "London Pass" and include travel on it. The London Pass gets you %15 off certain restaurants and stores. It gets you entry into things that normally charge admission such as the Tower of London, Shakespeare's Globe Theater, the London Aquarium and such things. I'd recommend getting a 3-day pass so you can really make some good use of it! I've been told that one day just doesn't do the city justice. And the travel pass gets you on every subway and DLR (district line rail) to get you everywhere in London and its suburbs.

Photographing Tip of the Day

People are generally willing to take a picture of you and the people your with at a tourist attraction. And it the U.S. they generally don't want a tip. However unless you are going to check everyone's resume before you have them take your picture, always be sure to check the picture after they take it. You never know, something may have gone wrong and its a horrible picture, or worse yet, it didn't take at all.

Subway Tip of the Day

Subways go by all different names. In San Fransisco, it's called the BART. It travels at speeds up to 80 mph. In NY city, it's the MTA NYC Transit. In Paris, Brussels and Washington DC, they call it the Metro. In London, it's the Tube. All of these are similar in structure and are designed to move a mass amount of people from one place to another cheaply and efficiently. Most of these places have turnstiles that make you at least work to "steal" a ride. The same, however, is not true in Brussels. In fact, the ticket box is so obscure that it is quite easy to miss it all together. There is NOTHING, no security, no turnstile, no person to ask you politely to go get a ticket, no camera to stop you from just walking down to the train.
Here's the thing about that...it's an easy market for thieves and pickpockets. They don't even have to pay to steal something from you! There is no accountability at all. Most of the stations, there is only one way on and one way off the train. You either get out the doors on the left or the doors on the right. However, at the main train station, the doors open on both sides! So watch your wallets and your purses. Keep separate ID's in separate places. Keep your money somewhere else. Because in this particular train station, it's so easy for someone to just brush by you and by the time you can look down to verify that what you felt go missing actually is gone (even if there are three other people around you whom you know at the time), they'll be out the other door, and the train will have left the station!

Flight Tip of the Day

The simplest way to put it, is just get a direct flight whenever you can. Even when it may be be the most convenient flight times. You never know when an aiport's radar will go down. Or when there is really bad weather at another airport you're flying to. Looking on the bright side, getting delayed by hours on end allows you to become familiar with every restaurant in the terminal.

German Living Tip of the Day Part 4

So, you're in Germany and you don't want to be spotted as an American right away. There are a few simple things you can do. First, your shoes are a dead give away. Ditch the brand name. The simpler the better, no running shoes. In fact, those shoes that would just slip on your feet with the elastic on the side, perhaps a checkered pattern on them, those are quite the trend over here. Second, the crazier the hair color the better. I've seen women walking down the street each with a stroller, and each with different, unnatural hair highlights. How you dress is important. Definitely dress like you're not trying to fit in. Guys, sagging the pants will not work, that's an obvious American thing. Carry Euros, because like I said, the credit cards aren't excepted everywhere because Germans don't use them. Of course, as soon as you go to order, the jig will be up (at least between you and your waitress). Oh, and make sure to stare at people as they walk by. It's a cultural thing...Germans like to stare. And, if they say something quick to you that seems like a greeting, say "Tag", it's short for Gutentag, or good day, but it's just day, like we use 'morning' when we say good morning. It's slang and short, so you'll totally fit in!

German Living Tip of the Day Part 3

If you're ever in Germany, living or visiting, and you LOVE 80's music, well, you can simply turn on your radio. You're bound to find some. However, I've discovered an even cooler way to enjoy that retro rock. Look for a banner with the current dates outside any town. That's the indication that a giant "block party" for lack of a better term is going on close by. The Kuzel festival took place June 8-10. They had three different cover bands all playing music from or around the 80's. Folks, I've now seen it all...Germans head banging to a cover band version of Johny Cash's "Ring of Fire"! It's definitely German culture at its, uh, best? No really, it's fantastic. Baumholder is scheduled to hold theirs at the end of June. I hope it's a similar experience...Cinnimon roasted nuts, slushies, cotton candy, bratwurst, some Italian foods, those crazy cover bands, and of course, the beer flows like water well into the wee hours of the morning. Oh, and remember, in Europe, when they mark the date, 8.06.2007 actually means June 8, not August 6.

German Living Tip of the Day Part 2

I mentioned in part 1 that Germans can be backwards sometimes. First off, they don't have air conditioning, and it DOES get hot in the summer. Second, since they don't have air conditioning, residents are keen on opening their windows to help cool off. For me, as an American, this causes a problem because they don't put screens on the windows! So, if I want to be cool, I get to live with a house of bugs! Yes, the windows are ultra cool and open in two different directions, sideways and from the top, but I guess they don't make a screen for that! Or, if they do, I just haven't seen any in the neighborhoods around here. Oh, and if I wanted to buy one somewhere, I'd have to take cash because many German stores do not accept credit cards. But, it'd be cheaper for me because Americans can get VAT forms to exempt them from that hefty 19% German tax. FYI, you can get a VAT form for any European country, you just have to find out how to do it, and the lack of tax will be just like an instant discount! In fact, in some Italian stores, just showing your passport gets you the discount.

Window Tip of the Day

When in a foreign country, check the windows, they may open various ways. This allows for venting or opening the window. In Germany, handle up will vent the window. Handle to the side will open the window and handle down will keep it closed. There are no screens, so be wary of bugs.

Silica Tip of the Day

Don't throw away those silica gel packs that come in things like new luggage and toiletry bags. (Also don't eat them, but that's another story.) Instead stick them in places you don't want to get all moist and subsequently moldy. Those place abound in the hot summer months, or use them in places that are always prone to mold, such as that toiletry bag it came it. It's like antiperspirant for your stuff.

Panera Tip of the Day

When meeting friends and picking a place to eat, make sure you clarify which restaurant. If you're sitting at the Panera in Regency Center and call your friend who is at the Panera in Palomar, make sure that friend does not try to go to the Panera in Brannon Crossing to meet you. This will result in less time to chat and frustration

Summer Tip of the Day

If you are a teacher/student and choose not to work in the summer, here are some productive things you can do to occupy your time:

• Clean the Microwave
• Scrape paint off the front door
• Exercise
• Knit a dish rag
• Paint your bathroom

And here are some fun things you can do:

• Meet friends for lunch
• Read a book
  
• Shopping
• Watch a movie
• Take a trip
  

Travel to Europe Part V

Here are some miscellaneous tips for traveling:

• Don't lean back in your chair in coach, especially on long flights. It cramps the poor person behind you who is cursing at you under her breath. These seats weren't really made for reclining. That extra 1.5 inches you gain feels like 12 ft lost to the person behind you. Be kind, don't recline.
• Fanny packs should be neutral colors (tip by Clarissa). Fanny packs are very useful while traveling. If you are going to forgo fashion for the sake of convenience, at least choose a color that does not make you stand out, like black, brown, beige, etc.
  
• Be prepared to pay for the use of a bathroom. Most of the time you can get away with finding a free one, but sometimes you must pay the piper. Hence, the quote, "I feel like I should stay in here until I have to go again."
• If you decide to go on a military post while overseas, prepare to spend the rest of your life there. They need your passport, DNA, blood analysis, 5 references, 7 forms filled in triplicate, your genealogy to the fourth generation, and the pledge of your first born. It's probably not worth the time and energy.
  

Travel to Europe Part IV

The stylish eye masks the airlines give you on long flights can double as a headband or pirate eye patch. You might be invited to a costume party while you are there, so don't throw it away.

Travel to Europe Part I

Packing and planning is an important part of any trip. Here are some things you need to make sure you have before you leave the country:

• Passport (obviously) - leave at least 6 weeks to get it if you don't already have it AND check your expiration date
• Paper copies of everything (tickets, plans, emergency contact, etc) - make sure another member of your group also has this information
• Sleeping Pills - this will revolutionize your way of travel - bite the bullet and get them!
• Tide Pen/Shout wipes - you never know when you're going to get dirty (like I did on the first day)
• Camera - You're going to Europe; take a camera and take lots of pictures. You won't regret it.
• Good shoes - This includes shoes for walking as well as "hot shoes" that only match with one outfit (again, it's Europe - splurge a little).
  

Elderly Tip of the Day

(via one of those viral emails)

If your kids take away your drivers license, try this…

Save Gas, Burn more Jetfuel Tip of the Day

There's a new airline called Skybus operating out of Columbus, Ohio that is positioning itself to offer ridiculously cheap flights.

Columbus to Seattle? $75
Columbus to Los Angeles? $100
Columbus to Boston? Freaking $10!

They are also running a current special where the first ten seats sold on any flight will be only $10 - regardless of the destination.

Okay, you might notice a pattern - for the time being (until they expand), you have to fly in or out of Columbus. A little inconvenient perhaps, but we're just close enough to make it worthwhile.

How do they offer flights so cheap? By cutting back on a lot of luxuries we take for granted. Flight times are somewhat limited at this point. Checked bags cost extra ($5 each for the first two bags). Pretzels and mini-Sprites cost extra. Tickets are nonrefundable. There is no first class.

But there are some positives, too (besides the ridunk cheap prices). For example, they fly in and out of secondary airports, avoiding the crowds and delays that are common with the big airports. The seats are leather. They fly orange planes. Also, their website is pretty amusing.

Submarine Tip of the Day VII

This is the last one; don't worry.

If you have purchased and worn your lead underwear from our previous tip, whatever you do, don't wear them in a situation where you might be given a wedgie, because chance are, a wedgie with a pair of lead underwear would not only REALLY hurt, it probably could also give you lead poisoning. Just food for thought.

Submarine Tip of the Day VI

Despite any urges you might have, do not EVER sing the song "Yellow Submarine" if you're a naval seaman. We're not positive, but you'll probably be flogged and thrown to the jellyfish. If you should sing the song, and get thrown to the jellyfish, we're told by expert sources that peeing on your jellyfish sting will help alleviate the swelling and stinging.

Submarine Tip of the Day V

Or known as "Pimp my Sub." The industry of "sub pimping" is far under-developed. And why not have some pride in your ride? After all, it's a bunch of guys driving a sweet-A boat round the ocean! Since testosterone is at a fairly alarming rate, we recommend a few items to turn that hooptie sub into a "Shaggin' Waggin'." Well, maybe not a shaggin' waggin' due to the lack of ladeeez up in the crib. BTW, I love how they define "crib" as "domicile..." Anway, the first thing we'd recommend is your very own set of "bulls balls," or "bumpernuts" to hang on the propellor on the back of the sub. You know, the things that redneck men in Nicholasville love to put on their '82 F-250s to compensate? Yeah, those. Other things we'd recommend are dualies, chrome, a low-restriction air filter, and one of those dancing hula girls on the sub's dashboard. Wait, do subs have dashboards?

Submarine Tip of the Day IV

If you're on a nuclear sub, even though they say you're not exposed to THAT much radiation, we'd still recommend wearing a pair of patented lead underwear. BTW, I'm glad this lead underwear vendor clearly states "no returns." You never can be too safe.™ I'd rather be mocked by my fellow seamen than have radiated...eh...you get the pun.

Submarine Tip of the Day III

On second thought, don't pull any pranks on people in the sub. Because we kinda forgot that you're basically stuck underwater in a tin can with these people. And we hear payback's a ... well, paybacks aren't fun for the recipient. And with a bunch of once-frat-boy compatriots underwater, there's sure to be a payback that would be worse than the stunt you pulled. So, maybe don't be the one to initiate a prank war. But if someone gets you, you'll have a few ideas.

Submarine Tip of the Day I

This series is dedicated to our favorite naval seamen, Ens. Kyle Calton who spends his working hours under the sea protecting us all from the bad guys. We thought it'd be great to do a whole series of tips that we speculate would be true, but obviously don't know for sure. These are "speculative" tips from non-able-bodied-seamen. Yet, we feel they're true, and hoped that maybe Officer Calton could steer us in the right direction if we're wrong.

If you're underwater on a sub, a little bored, and looking for a great prank to pull, we've got an excellent tip for you. Wait until your fellow crewmembers are asleep, then grab about 4 or 5 buckets of water. Find the target of the prank and sound some type of fake alarm, dumping the contents of the buckets onto him screaming, "we're going down--we've taken on water!"

Sure to be a gas!

Parking Tip of the Day

As a female, it can be dangerous parking in public areas, especially at night. We've all seen at baby stores how they have parking spots for pregnant women. Well, in Germany, they've taken our safety to the next level. In most parking garages, including the structure at the airport, they have special parking for all women. It is close to the exit and in a more well-lit area! You'd better believe next time I have to pick someone up in Frankfurt I'll be taking advantage of this tip! Just look for this sign!

TSA Tip of the Day

You can bring a bottle of water past security at airports, you just have to drink the water first. Then you can simply refill the bottle with water fountain on the other side of the law.

Airline Tip of the Day

If you're flying American Airlines, hope you don't have to check, carry-on or gate-check any of the items below, because they're not covered if lost, damaged or destroyed. I think this list pretty much covers ANYTHING-- especially the "or anything of any value" or "anything fragile" statements. If they do break your stuff and absolve themselves of any responsibility, you can always file a complaint with the FTC.

Directly from American Airlines' "Customer Service" (if you can call it that) received almost one month after emailing them:

"We do not accept responsibility for antiques, artifacts, artwork, books and documents, china, computers and other electronic equipment, computer software, fragile items (including child/infant restraint devices such as strollers and car seats), eyeglasses,
prescription sunglasses, non-prescription sunglasses and all other eyewear and eye/vision devices whether lenses are glass, plastic, or some other material, furs, heirlooms, items carried in the passenger compartment of the aircraft, liquids, medicines, money, orthotics, surgical supports, perishable items, photographic, video and optical equipment, precious metals, stones or jewelry, securities and negotiable papers, silverware, samples, unique or irreplaceable items or any other similar valuable items."

Glad to know that good ole American Airlines will replace 1. my old underwear, 2. that bar of Dial soap they lost, and 3. oh, I guess that's it.

Scuba Tip of the Day VI

You learn lots of things from crazy scuba diving folks. (Must be the nitrogen narcosis.) One thing you may learn is: if you go to a Hooter's in New Orleans, the girls will probably give you their number. (Do with this what you will.) And also, even though scuba divers often see each other in skimpy swim wear, many would "have to be paid a lot of money to sit there nekkked" when asked if they'd ever be a nude model for artists.

Airline Tip of the Day

If you're a failing airline like American Airlines who is so deplorable you can't even publish a customer service number we feel that you should at LEAST respond to emails, when that's the only provided way your customers can contact you for customer service. If you fully plan NOT to respond, you should send an automatic response to emails saying the following:

"Dear Devalued Customer,

We're sorry we treated you like a knob-schlobber, probably lost your bags and made you arrive late to your destination--if we got you there at all. But for the love--what do you expect from a failing, bankrupt airline who can't even afford to give you freaking peanuts? In summary, deal with your problem. Because we have no intention of getting back to you, helping you, or even letting you talk to a supervisor. If you actually wanted customer service, you should've either paid more for this ticket, or flown a different airline, maybe like Southwest. You may be now asking yourself why we're still in business. Basically, we're not sure either. But do yourself a favor, and don't expect any response to your message.

Sincerely,
The burned-out, underpaid, annoyed American Airlines auto-reply computer."

Czech Tip of the Day

Kolaches, the best dessert in the world.
If you happen to be visiting the Waco, TX area, you'll soon find that there's more to Waco than that weird cult thing where people killed themselves with white tennis shoes. In fact, it's a cultural marketplace, with diverse food offerings! If you're in Waco, head 15 minutes out of town to West, TX, home of a very large Czech population per capita. Enjoy sights such as the "Czech Inn," and especially the "Czech Stop," which literally has the finest baked goods you'll ever enjoy. Known as kolaches, these flaky, doughy, fruity little pastries will beckon you for more. You can't resist. And they're sold out of a gas station that is constantly packed, 24/7 with people buying these tasty pastry tschochkes, which I call "kolachkes." Go "czech it out" and tell 'em Pete and Jay sent ya.

Pee Tip of the Day

If you followed the advice in the last tip, you're probably a little happy with me, but also a little mad because you're peeing constantly. You may feel like you have a bladder control issue, what with those "sudden, frequent urges" and all. Well, I'm sorry. But at least you're on your way to feeling better. Still, should you have to travel after following my advice, heed this advice as well. If you happen to find yourself on a plane at 4:30am, after drinking approximately 3/4 of a gallon of water, several glasses of OJ, and enough water to dissolve 2 "Airborne" tablets, you're going to have to pee--very soon. So, definitely pee prior to planing. But in the event of an unexpected plane de-icing prior to take-off, don't think to yourself, "hmm, we'll be in the air soon...I can hold it..." because you can't. De-icing will take approximately the rest of your life. And you may or may not know that you can't use airplane lavatories until you reach cruising altitude. Which also takes approximately the rest of your life. You may have to do what I did, and bolt to the back of the plane BEFORE you're allowed to, which results in the flight attendant yelling at you, and giving you dirty looks for the rest of the flight.

BBQ Tip of the Day

If you go to the "Salt Lick" in Austin, TX for the best BBQ in your life, do NOT order water as your beverage. If you do, you may think you've been like Coldplay, "swallowing the sea." Turns out that while they have the best BBQ in the buckeye state, they don't specialize in water. It's "unfiltered" tap water, they'll tell you, and it literally tastes like the Atlantic Ocean.

Airline Tip of the Day

This is a tip exclusively for "the powers that be" in the airline industry. Ok, so we get it. Times are tough. You're bankrupt. You're laying people off. Your checkbook bounces when you pay the electric bill. But for the love. Charging people $5 for a bag of peanuts and pretzels just makes you look like a bunch of cheap-A's. I mean, seriously, just add the 25 cents it costs to buy those to my fare in all the 18-million dollars in taxes. You're actually doing yourself more harm than good by nickel-and-diming away cheap things that leave your customers offended that they'd spend hundreds of dollars on their fare and be STARVING.

NWA Tip of the Day

For some reason, even at bitty itty airports like Lexington Blue Grass Airport, with NWA you have to check in 30 minutes early in order to check your luggage. If you don't, you could be subject to hauling your huge bag around airports and losing some shampoo that you didn't place in less than 3oz containers.

Travel Tip of the Day

When traveling, it's a good idea to lock the doors, turn down the heat a bit, etc. But make sure to remember your suitcase.

Delta Tee Tip of the Day

Turns out the aforementioned Delta SkyTeam Complimentary Tee can be used as a doggie diaper as well! Perfect tail hole! Also, the tee has been human tested for using the bathroom! It works GREAT!

Bus Tip of the Day

When riding the bus, take care in getting on the correct bus and NEVER EVER take two wrong buses or it may take you a really LONG time to get home like
the poor lady from southern Thailand, who found her way back home at 25 years.

-JCo

Captain Skyteam Tip of the Day

So you're headed to sunny Florida for a trip, and conveniently, your first flight is late, causing you to miss you connection, and be stranded in not-at-all-sunny Cincinnati, OH in the middle of winter. To add insult to injury, the airline (not to mention any names, but they rhyme with "Bomb Bear") tells you that you'll have to stay in a hotel overnight and that you can't get your checked bags. "Graciously" they provide you with an overnight bag (which is basically a "Delta SkyTeam" t-shirt, and some overly-scented lotion). So, this becomes a two-part tip. First, if you cannot resist the urge to swim in the hotel's pool and hot tub, but don't have a bathing suit, you can easily claim that "you're European" and swim in your dark-colored boxer-briefs. Doesn't work as well with lighter-colored skivvies. But what you'll find out is that if you DO swim in your BVDs, you'll 1. have nothing to wear to bed (which is awkward when sharing a hotel room) and 2. you'll have no underoos to wear on your flight the next morning at 6:00 am. So, what we've found and tested is that you can "stick it to the man," and "stick it to your boys" by wearing your SkyTeam shirt as boxers! Put your legs through the arm holes and tie around your waist! And, you even have easy access for late night bathroom trips! What's most fun is you can prance around and in your best superhero voice declare, "I'm Captain SkyTeam!"

Autobahn Tip of the Day

We all know that there is technically no speed limit on the German Autobahn. However, before driving on it, you need to know that there is a recommended speed limit of 130 kph, or 80 mph. Sure, you won't get pulled over if you exceed that recommended speed, but if you get in an accident traveling faster, you can be held liable. Plus, American cars and tires are not made for speeds faster than 85 mph, so renting a German car (once you have your German drivers license or provisional international license which can be secured from AAA), or getting new tires is recommended.

Flight Tip of the Day

I just booked a flight to Austin the other day. I'm taking NWA since they had the best flight times and price. I don't have a frequent flyer card with them and know if I start one it would take forever to get any amount of miles worth anything on it. But, turns out their partners with Delta, who I have all my frequent flyer miles on, and I was able to give NWA my Delta SkyMiles number and I was able to credit the miles for the flight to my Delta account. As far as I can figure this partnership works both ways.

Chaperoning Tip of the Day

Hopefully one day you will have the opportunity to chaperone some type of trip with students. If you are so lucky, this trip will include middle school students and be overnight. If this is the case for you, one of the most important items you can bring is a roll of tape. Yes, tape. Did you know that tape is an overnight field trip miracle? You see, when tape is attached to the door and the wall next to it, and the door is opened, the tape cannot be reattached. Therefore, it insures that if a student escapes during the night...you will find out about it! This is very important if you, the chaperone, want to sleep and not worry about where your students are in the middle of the night. So, next trip you go on, don't forget the tape!

Touring Tip of the Day

If you're ever "on tour," or just on the road for business, keep in mind you're operating on a "per diem" for food and lodging. Of course, this means you're not paying for your own food! If you were back home, you'd be paying at least for some of that food and if you're like many of us in my circle of friends, we dine out very frequently. So, you can either come back home with a large chunk of money that you saved (which would be SMART) or you could use that money to buy cool stuff in the places you're visiting! You can also rationalize larger purchases if, for example, you live alone. You could turn off your heat while you're gone and save a chunk of money on your heat bill! Don't forget gas--we all know that not driving for a week will save you plenty! So, all in all the per diem is worth far more than the amount you're allotted. It's sort of like double money!

Traveling Tip of the Day

I travel relatively frequently, I think, but nothing is more annoying in the process than packing and unpacking. So that's why I created the "Jason's Arsenal of Portable Toiletries" bag. It's amazing. It's a little bag that has trial shampoo, soap, toothbrush, toothpaste, mini-deodorant, nail clippers, mouthwash, cologne, hair gel, and q-tips. It may seem simple, but these items NEVER go back into my bathroom. They stay in this case. So the next time I have to pack, I simply put this little bag in my luggage, and I don't have to worry about forgetting any toiletries. And, I'm not fumbling around in the morning trying to dry off my shampoo bottle from the shower. It's ready to go whenever I need to leave. Now, of course, this doesn't prevent you from forgetting underwear, but it's a start. You will, as you can imagine, need to monitor the levels of remaining toiletrisms from time to time.