Mixing Helpfulness and Humor Since 2005

Thursday, June 01, 2006

"Decisions, Decisions" Tip of the Day

Guys, I know we have a hard time deciding on things. Whether it's between sausage or canadian bacon, Ford or Chevy, holy matrimony or lifelong bachelorhood, Arsenal or Manchester United, Legos or Lincoln Logs. I admit, sometimes we get stuck, astounded by the vast array of options in front of us, afraid to commit to any one of them, for fear of offending the pepperoni.

But gentlemen, it's time we committed! Or as Shakespeare said, in a completely unrelated context, "Once more unto the breach, dear friends!"

So without further ado, I'd like to present you with the solutions to the quandaries introduced above:

1) Canadian bacon does have an exotic reputation going for it. After all, it's international! You can almost envision those stoic bacon miners, the wild and free men of the great white north, delving deep into the earth in pursuit of that elusive vein of canadian bacon ore! Sadly, and I don't mean to disillusion anyone, but it's really indiscernable from sliced ham. Save yourself the heartache - go with the sausage.

2) Here's a simple rule of thumb: Chevy for cars, Ford for trucks. Ford will never make a car to match the Corvette, and Chevy will never make a truck to challenge the F-350. It's practically an unspoken mutual acknowledgement. Not that anything could ever come close to the near-sublimity that is the Porsche 911 Carrera GT2.

3) Here's a no-brainer. As thoroughly fulfilling as Madden '06 no doubt seems at the moment, it will eventually leave a void that not even Madden '07 can fill. Unless you can stomach the thought of your significant other making out/having kids/growing old/finding perpetual bliss/playing Madden with someone else while you languish in the increasing solitude of middle age, this shouldn't be a difficult decision.

4) Go with Arsenal. Clearly.

5) As cool as Lincoln Logs are (and they're pretty cool), they don't even begin to compare to the awesome glory that is Lego. Who doesn't get a thrill, a rush of adrenaline when they see those plastic blocks? Who hasn't known the joy of putting together a 1,000-piece castle or pirate ship or space station? Who hasn't secretly wished for a head with a peg on top, that you could snap your hat onto? Pick the Legos.

18 Comments:

Blogger Jules said...

The real reason you should go for Arsenal.

01 June, 2006 09:31

 
Blogger Andy said...

har har v. funny :p


Hopefully this tip isnt too controversial. After all, canadian bacon and lincoln logs both have some serious devotees...

01 June, 2006 10:02

 
Blogger Kris said...

Although you know...Madden does have it's appeal, but you're right, it's more fun to play it with someone else. And how much better would it be to get to play Madden with that someone else forever? You no longer have to worry about losing your roommate/Madden partner to another!

01 June, 2006 10:23

 
Blogger Jules said...

"Who's kidding here?" she says confused.

That sounds like a love song, Kris. You should write it.

01 June, 2006 10:36

 
Blogger Kris said...

Sounds too much like a country song to me...

01 June, 2006 10:52

 
Blogger Andy said...

Or emo...

01 June, 2006 11:20

 
Blogger Jules said...

Definitely emo. Definitely Dashboard Confessional. I can hear Chris Carrabba's heart breaking now. All playing Madden alone after that dirty girl dumped him. Grrr.

Where's everyone else out there? Hello?

01 June, 2006 11:48

 
Blogger Andy said...

Here I am again
Lonely nights at home
With a controller in my lap *tap tap*

CHORUS: Why couldn't we play
Madden forever, baby?
Just you and me
And the PS2, maybe?

And the defense breaks through the line
Like you broke my heart that time
That one last time

CHORUS

BRIDGE: Did you have to go and blitz that other guy?
How could I just give up without a fight?
How can I survive another lonely night?...

CHORUS

01 June, 2006 12:23

 
Blogger Jules said...

get back to work now, Andy.

;)

01 June, 2006 13:47

 
Anonymous Christine said...

re: real reason--too true, too true.

re: tip itself--well....too true, too true.

re: Madden--what is this, some sort of a card game like Dutch Blitz? (noticed your use of that word there, Andy.) J/K, PEOPLE! I actually took a video games class in grad school. It's true. My 'colleagues' were showcasing their academic talents by playing online RPGs 60 hours a week (yeah, you heard me), whilst I was struggling to fulfill my gaming requirements by making it through the first level of "fellowship of the ring." true story.

re: song--scarily accurate and creative. but only if it comes with some air guitar.

01 June, 2006 14:43

 
Blogger Jules said...

re: song--scarily accurate and creative. but only if it comes with some air guitar.

thank goodness this conversation is electronic.

01 June, 2006 14:47

 
Blogger Pete said...

So two things I did't have a hard time deciding on are definitely Legos and Marrying Jen (in order from the age I first decided). Why get the Canadian's involved in defiling the good name of Bacon anyway?

I do think Andy's comment receives the award for "Most Elaborate TodD Comment Ever"™.

01 June, 2006 14:55

 
Blogger vander said...

I must come to the defense of Canadian bacon. It is not bacon, true, but it is not ham, either. Ham is gross. Canadian bacon is good. So, you know, obvious difference.

And I agree about Ford trucks over Chevy trucks, but Chevy cars? Are we willing to wholeheartedly shun the Mustang? Isn't it kind of an American icon? I don't think I'm emotionally ready to let go.

01 June, 2006 15:12

 
Blogger Citizen Grim said...

Mustangs are okay, but they're only half a Corvette.

and a video game class sounds spectacular


I'm totally hitting the air guitar over here. in my mind, anyway.

01 June, 2006 15:45

 
Blogger Andy said...

doh! now I just need to keep my blogger names straight!

01 June, 2006 15:48

 
Blogger Kris said...

Peter, I must agree with you...two things I had no difficulty choosing...legos and marrying Phil, in that order of course. Now come the bigger decisions, sell everything and buy it all over again when we go through Germany to get to TX, or store it and move it?
Gosh, decisions do seem to get harder as you get older, don't they?

01 June, 2006 23:06

 
Blogger Pete said...

Or you could give things away as sweet wedding gifts over the next say, few months?

01 June, 2006 23:33

 
Blogger Kris said...

Alright, Peter, what do you need...? You might find me inclined to aquiest that request. (or however you spell that word)
Just kidding...but seriously, I've got to get rid of a lot of stuff. Candles? Beauty products? A toaster? A bookshelf, a desk?

02 June, 2006 10:16

 

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