Mixing Helpfulness and Humor Since 2005

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Sick Tip of the Day

If you feel the first signs of getting sick, especially those nasty viral bugs like the cold, flu, etc., follow these steps to insure that your illness will be as short-lived as possible.
  • First, begin by drinking as much water as you can stomach. And maybe even a little more. If you are not peeing constantly, you're not drinking enough! Oh, and if there's even a LITTLE color, you're not drinking enough!
  • Second, drink a tall glass of orange juice at every meal. The vitamin C and acidity will help.
  • Third, take 4 echinacea tablets per day.
  • Fourth, take 3 "Airborne" dissolving tablets per day. (Each tablet contains, among other things, 1,600% of your RDA of vitamin C!)
  • Fifth, take a hot bath.
  • Finally, enjoy whatever foods you are craving. Since your body is fighting something, it needs what it's craving. And I swear that sugary foods help give your cells the energy they need!
Hope you'll be feeling better soon!

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6 Comments:

Anonymous Andy Fowler said...

Okay, this one was hilarious -- I do the exact same thing about once a month. I feel a slight twinge of sickness, and I immediately drive to IGA and purchase a gallon of orange juice. If the gallon is not finished within 24 hours, I have failed.

I also use the color-free-pee test as verification that I'm fully hydrated...

I've only been sick twice in the last four years.

21 March, 2007 15:44

 
Blogger Andy said...

Gatorade is the cure-all. Anywhere from 15-30 oz per day, from the moment you feel sick.

I got a sore throat 4 days before my wedding, which turned the next day into a runny nose. A combined slurry of Gatorade, Cold-Eeze, Vitamin B, Aspirin, and Zinc lozenges cleared it up by the day before my wedding.

Vitamin B is also fantastic for not getting stressed under pressure. Seriously. But it will make your pee bright yellow. Almost neon. I kid you not.

It also gives you steady nerves, for those of you who cant hold your hand up without it shaking all over the place.

21 March, 2007 16:07

 
Blogger Jay said...

That's awesome! Glad we could perfect the "cocktail." I so wish we still had Google Ad-Words. It'd be hilarious to see what they'd pull up. Wow, so I also didn't realize this could be a preventative measure. Good to know!

21 March, 2007 16:58

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wait! Pee has color normally? I guess I'm drinking too much.

21 March, 2007 19:40

 
Blogger The Keiser said...

I've just recently learned that sugars, especially simple ones, actually compromise your immune system. So, no Coke. I'll post any documentation I can find on the subject

22 March, 2007 11:06

 
Blogger Andy said...

There's a point, though, where eventually you need to just say to yourself, "This isn't very good for me, but by Jove, I'd rather enjoy a full life than endure an empty one."

Or as the Eels sang:

Laying in bed tonight i was thinking
And listening to all the dogs
And the sirens and the shots
And how a careful man tries
To dodge the bullets
While a happy man takes a walk
And maybe it's time to live

22 March, 2007 14:01

 

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