Mixing Helpfulness and Humor Since 2005

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Gym Observations...

Yesterday I went to the gym for the first time in what feels like forever...I never thought 40 min. on the elliptical could feel so long! Anyway, I forgot how much I missed going there and people watching. There are some interesting people you will see at the gym.

1. Sterroids Man
Is he on sterroids or is it all natural? hmmm....he walks around the gym like he's carrying two heavy pieces of luggage and his thighs rub together so much you wonder how he could ever walk. Normally you see him there for 2-3 hour periods and only lifting weights for about 30 minutes of that time. The rest of the time it looks like he's practicing walking around with the imaginary luggage....hmmm, maybe he's planning a big vacation....

2. Miracle Man
Having a gym membership for only a week really can do miracles! Suddenly, you and your oh so untoned body is walking around the gym in your cut off t-shirt, leaning on equipment, and buddying around with all the people that are actually there to work out. Typically you make three laps around the gym with your water bottle checking out all the equipment but you know your mere presence in the gym is making you leaner and sexier already. Why waste your time actually using the treadmill?

3. Sexy Momma
Yes you've seen her...and so has every male in the gym. She's the one that just walked out of your Fitness magazine and started prancing around the gym in her sports bra that barely holds in her paid-in-full chest. You're afraid to see her on the treadmill while every man in the gym can't wait for her cardio session. Well, at least you know the gym and plastic surgery really will give you the body you want.

4. Sexy Momma 2
Well, at least she thinks so...
She's the sexy momma of the big girls. She waltzes in wearing her spandex hot pants and sports bra ready to break a sweat, and boy does she....sometimes. She walks from section to section, looking at the equipment, and maybe spends a couple minutes trying out a machine or two. When she finishes making her rounds, she'll head to the cardio room where she will get on a bike or treadmill for a gruelling 10 minutes before heading out.
Tip: If you don't look like sexy momma #1, please go in fully clothed...well, even if you are sexy momma #1...just save everyone around the site of your...uh...soon-to-be toned body.

5. "I Know EXACTLY what I'm doing..."
Picture Kip or Napoleon Dynamite at the gym...and you've got the perfect visual. They come, act like they know how to use the equipment and normally you sit and cringe as you see them piling on 100 pounds of weight and usually use the equipment completely wrong. Should you tell them what they are doing wrong or just watch for entertainment? hmmm...or maybe there is a hidden camera somewhere....

6. Average Joe and Joeanne
Now I come to everyone else that I'll just lump in one category. These are the people that are actually there for their health and to work out. They come dressed to lift, run, or take a class. No, they aren't muscle-bound or hard-bodied. These people come, complete their routine, and then leave. Go Average Joe!


Blogger Kris said...

I like the one about the imaginary luggage! So, who exactly are you on this list? Sexy Woman #1? Napolean Dynamite? Perhaps you're the perfect hybrid of the mirical man, who's close proximaty to people working out will make him leaner, and the average joe who always manages to go unnoticed, which allows him to observe the others in their natural habitat.

20 October, 2005 12:39

Blogger Stephanie said...

Uh-oh, did you post your personal blog on the tip blog, Lalah!? :-)

21 October, 2005 13:25

Anonymous Andy said...

haha, regardless, that's one of the funnier things I've read in a while

21 October, 2005 14:19

Blogger Lalah DeSha said...

Haha....yeah Steph, guess I need to publish and "idiot" tip today!

22 October, 2005 11:09

Blogger Lalah DeSha said...

....and I would have to say I'm the Average Joeanne on this list, Kris...don't prance around half naked and I don't plan on taking an imaginary vacation any time soon.... ;o)

23 October, 2005 11:23

Blogger Pete said...

Great post Layls, even if its not a tip.

23 October, 2005 17:46

Blogger Stephanie said...

Yes, I agree, it truly was a hoot! :-)

25 October, 2005 13:45


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