Mixing Helpfulness and Humor Since 2005

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Elf Tip of the Day

Now it can be very confusing when it comes to figuring out which small mythological humanoid type creatures are to blame when things aren't as you remember leaving them. At work when you come in the next morning and one of your files you know you saved the day before is mysteriously missing, you can likely assume gnomes are the cause of the trouble. All gnomes are mischievious, but not all gnomes are necessarily evil like gremlins. Gnomes, such as the garden variety, are inherently good, but still mischievious. Just imagine what would happen if you put the Travelocity gnome and the Orbitz marionettes in the same room.

Now on the other side, if something good happens, you can pretty much make a safe bet and say that Elves did it. A) Elves are always good B) Elves have a past history for making things on humans' behalf. Now it is important to note that there are really three main types of elves. There are the little elves, such as those who make cookies and shoes, Santa's elves who are tireless workers, and full-sized "We are really good with arrows and generally hot-looking" Lord of the Rings elves.

So, in summary: Gnomes are mischievous, but if your desk is more organized then you remember it, it was probably an elf, but probably not Orlando Bloom. And we haven't even touched the topic of trolls and wood-sprites yet, much less dwarves.

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12 Comments:

Blogger Jules said...

Yeah, this is hilarious. I HAVE been wondering about the difference, and I think I always knew these things deep down (if it was good, it was elves.) I mean, Orlando Bloom is only mischievious when he's a brunette (ie, not the elf). But does that make him a gnome?

16 November, 2005 10:12

 
Blogger JCo said...

So, don't assume your cowokers are behind all instances of missing papers, files and such or that your pet has buried lost item A - it may be the work of other creatures...got it.

I want to hear more about the dwarves and trolls and wood spirits too.

16 November, 2005 10:36

 
Blogger Stephanie said...

Orlando Bloom is welcome to visit my office any time...no matter what his hair color is. :-)

16 November, 2005 10:53

 
Blogger Pete said...

Now I do think that there are plenty of explanations to many misplaced things. But once it is beyond traditional explanation, then it might be one of these culprits. I wouldn't be surprised if Pablo might be cohorts with the Gnomes. I hear they offer great fringe benefits, such as Snausages and iPod shuffles

Don't worry loyal fans, the wood sprites, dwarves and troll tip is in the works!

16 November, 2005 13:06

 
Blogger JCo said...

I believe Pablo would work with the dwarves rather than the gnomes. Since I think gnomes are scary, scarier than dwarves anyway, Pablo surely would freak out at a gnomes presence! It would make sense that some sort of partnership exists, it would explain a lot!

16 November, 2005 13:50

 
Blogger Citizen Grim said...

And then you can follow it up with the dryads, naiads, faeries, pixies, leprechauns, mermaids, satyrs, centaurs, Lilliputians, fauns, nymphs, unicorns, etc.

And for anyone with time to kill, check out Wikipedia's entry on Cryptozoology.

16 November, 2005 22:05

 
Blogger Pete said...

Grim, I'll leave the unicorns and mermaids up to you.

16 November, 2005 23:54

 
Blogger Rnutt said...

Does anyone else find it interesting that Peter referred to Orlando Bloom as "hot-looking"? I didn't know you had a thing for Orlando, Pete!

17 November, 2005 10:13

 
Blogger Pete said...

Its in quotes because that's what I hear. Now some of those girl elves are cute, but I think Orlando is ugly. But based on the comments from Jules and Steph, attraction to full sized elves seems to be a trans-gender phenomenon.

17 November, 2005 10:25

 
Blogger vander said...

Where does that put Will Ferrell?

17 November, 2005 10:39

 
Anonymous Andy said...

And Steven Tyler?

17 November, 2005 16:17

 
Blogger Stephanie said...

From Fox News' "Out There"

Send In the Underwear Elf

KENOSHA, Wis. (AP) — You might call her the underwear elf.

After 16-year-old Kelsey Swiatko heard that underwear is one of the biggest needs among the city's poor, she launched "Operation Underwear." Swiatko and a corps of helpers spent 10 hours outside a local Wal-Mart on Saturday collecting donations.

Her goal was 1,200 pair and she topped it, filling her family's home with 2,200 pair of underwear and socks.

"We were swimming through underwear," she said.

Most of the donations were from individuals, although Wal-Mart contributed 100 pairs and Target and Jockey stores combined for another 125.

Swiatko made her deliveries this week, splitting 1,100 pairs between the Salvation Army and Shalom Center. On Thursday, the other 1,100 pairs went to a shelter for battered women.

"We get a lot of wonderful used clothing, but underwear, that's one thing where it's so much nicer to have something new," said Paula Clark, the shelter's development coordinator.

Dawn Simon, children's service coordinator, said, "We never get children's underwear and socks. This is like Christmas."

21 November, 2005 12:43

 

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