Wardrobe Malfunction Tip of the Day

It's really important to test out swimwear (btw, I think that picture is of our landlady, Janet Hacker, affectionately referred to herein as "J-Hack") prior to your first summer pool party, hot tub shindig, or other dunkeroo in any water. I recommend a few simple tests to avoid wardrobe malfunctions in front of large groups of people involving bright sunlight and cold water. First, make sure the swimsuit is not ill-fitting. I've discovered that for guys, it means that it shouldn't hug certain areas, and should also fit snugly around others. For girls, I imagine it just needs to adequately cover "your privates" so you don't look like a naked whore on a boar™. Second, do a quick transparency test when wet. Lightly colored areas near "certain parts" may become completely transparent. This could be awkward for you and your friends. Finally, for guys, avoid wearing swimsuits with liners. If you do wear a swimsuit with a liner, either wear or bring a pair of underoos along. If you are climbing on rocks and get torn, you will not have a second layer of protection to prevent full exposure. Just be careful. Don't say I didn't warn you.