Mixing Helpfulness and Humor Since 2005

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Marriagability Tip of the Day

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, I cooked dinner. When a few of my guy friends came over and inhaled it, their version of a compliment to the chef was to say, "Wow; your marriagability just went up, like, ten points". My response? "Wow, yours just went down." Gentlemen, my tip is this: when offering approval for something a woman has done, make every effort to mask your intention to stuff your future Mrs. into indentured servanthood. Much of the wind is removed from the sails of a lovely compliment when its giver is scheming, "Wow; you could, like, sit at my house and do chores for me for, like, the rest of our lives (dear)". A genuine thank you will suffice. If you feel any assemblance of the words, "what a good little wife you would make" leaving your lips, stop the train before you derail.


Blogger The Dark Scrivener said...

It pleases me when a wench is saucy! You may scrub my floors at your leisure, woman, and are honored with the task of joyfully bearing my mead!

(...he saith, safely ensconced behind a pseudonym and many layers of irony writ large, for he doth cook and clean and scrub in the loving mutual service of wedded unity...)

21 June, 2005 09:22

Blogger vander said...

Great be the mourning in the manor wherst I am queen, for in scurvied squalor mine people will writhe unfed.

Alas, I present in humbled detail that truth which I had not made known prior: I never cook. So rare do I prepare meals that I confess the tuna fish I did make from a can only a fortnight ago tooketh me a good half hour. I hereby do bear myself in shame to the nearest burrito stand because, as is my custom, I hath not bothered to make a lunch.

21 June, 2005 11:15

Blogger Jules said...

This is a tremendous post. I can always count on TVM to put other people in their place with a wit and sarcasm that's unmatched, while I peak over her shoulder from behind, pointing my finger at the offender saying, "Yeah! Take that sucka!"

23 June, 2005 12:51


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