Marriagability Tip of the Day

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, I cooked dinner. When a few of my guy friends came over and inhaled it, their version of a compliment to the chef was to say, "Wow; your marriagability just went up, like, ten points". My response? "Wow, yours just went down." Gentlemen, my tip is this: when offering approval for something a woman has done, make every effort to mask your intention to stuff your future Mrs. into indentured servanthood. Much of the wind is removed from the sails of a lovely compliment when its giver is scheming, "Wow; you could, like, sit at my house and do chores for me for, like, the rest of our lives (dear)". A genuine thank you will suffice. If you feel any assemblance of the words, "what a good little wife you would make" leaving your lips, stop the train before you derail.

Comments

It pleases me when a wench is saucy! You may scrub my floors at your leisure, woman, and are honored with the task of joyfully bearing my mead!

(...he saith, safely ensconced behind a pseudonym and many layers of irony writ large, for he doth cook and clean and scrub in the loving mutual service of wedded unity...)
vander said…
Great be the mourning in the manor wherst I am queen, for in scurvied squalor mine people will writhe unfed.

Alas, I present in humbled detail that truth which I had not made known prior: I never cook. So rare do I prepare meals that I confess the tuna fish I did make from a can only a fortnight ago tooketh me a good half hour. I hereby do bear myself in shame to the nearest burrito stand because, as is my custom, I hath not bothered to make a lunch.
Jules said…
This is a tremendous post. I can always count on TVM to put other people in their place with a wit and sarcasm that's unmatched, while I peak over her shoulder from behind, pointing my finger at the offender saying, "Yeah! Take that sucka!"

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