Mixing Helpfulness and Humor Since 2005

Monday, August 22, 2005

Guide to Keep the Government from Seizing your Property (Part III)

3. Piranha-Infested Moat - Centuries ago, when people wanted to defend their land, did they look to Brinks Security or ADT? Heck no. They surrounded the castle with a moat, and poured burning oil on anyone foolhardy enough to cross it. As we already noted, however, oil is a bit pricey these days, and spraying your town council with the garden hose is unlikely to have the same effect (unless the Wicked Witch of the West is on your town council, in which case it's at least worth a try). To compensate for these changes, we suggest filling your moat with piranhas. While you're at it, go ahead and release all sorts of savage animals into your yard, like wolverines, walruses, and mongeese to leap out of the undergrowth and savagely maul any intruders. No doubt this will further endear the hippies from #2 to your cause.

Guide to Keep the Government from Seizing your Property (Part I)
Guide to Keep the Government from Seizing your Property (Part II)


Blogger Kris said...

I'm getting the idea of why you are calling yourself citizen grim!

22 August, 2005 12:58

Blogger vander said...

I hereby proudly support the pluralization of the word mongoose. And moats with piranhas, of course.

22 August, 2005 16:12

Blogger Citizen Grim said...

Plural as frequentlies as possibles.

Also: verbing.

Verbing awesomes language.

23 August, 2005 09:13

Blogger Citizen Grim said...

And the "Citizen Grim" thing actually comes from college, when we used to play video games all night long in the dorm, my nickname was usually "Grim Winnebago." I just thought it was funny.

"Citizen Grim" is just a permutation. Assuming that word means what I think it does.

23 August, 2005 09:25

Blogger vander said...

I also proudly support the permutation of mongeese. Um, I think.

23 August, 2005 11:21

Blogger Patriot Xeno said...

Maybe a link to the website, instead of his blogger profile (which nobody cares about, because he's kind of a loner hippie).

Just a thought. Frankly, I bet the guy who co-blogs with him is utterly hilarious. And he's probably single, too...for all you hot ladies out there...

28 August, 2005 00:44


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