Mixing Helpfulness and Humor Since 2005

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Fondue Tip of the Day

Yes, it's been said, the quickest way to a woman's heart is through fondue via her chafing dish. Well, not exactly, but chocolate covered strawberries certainly are an aphrodisiac. At any rate, for the sheer reason that fondue is a turn-on for women, it is obviously difficult and temperamental. Let's start with chocolate. One essential is a double-boiler. Or, if you like bubble gum, "dubble" boiler. This boils the water, and then you put the chocolate in the "dubble" part, so as not to scald it. Chocolate will BURN if you look at it funny, I've found. Now. You think you're done when the chocolate melts, but OH no. It will be too thick. It will never stick to strawberries, or anything girls like for that matter. So, you have to add milk. But when you do, it will simultaneously be gooey, runny, and STIFF all at the same time--it defies science. Don't panic. Add more milk. And keep stirring. Eventually, it will be silky smooth--just like the ladies will perceive you to be. Dip your sensuous accouterments and just be careful not to injure yourself, like the guy in this video. Thanks, Steph, for finding this amazing ad!

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Blogger Stephanie said...

I had never heard of a "chafing dish" until your post. Thankfully it was in the dictionary and on many kitchen gadget sites so I wasn't totally in the dark!

You're welcome on the video clip. Now, gentlemen, the first goal should be not to injure her (watch that there video again, Jay!), then you can worry about yourself. ;-)

16 February, 2005 23:03

Blogger Jay said...

Steph, you're exactly right. But, by me saying "injure YOURSELF" I was implying that the fondue was SO good, that you became closer, became ONE as it were, and thus injuring her would be injuring you, and vice versa I'd imagine.

16 February, 2005 23:05

Blogger Jay said...

Oh, and my knowledge of chafing dishes comes from my cooking mentor, Willa. Willa makes the finest sweet tea north of the Mississippi, and knows anything and everything about cooking, life, and anything else.

16 February, 2005 23:07

Blogger Kris said...

Nice save there, Jay. I'm just glad that there are guys who will bother with such things as fondue. And how lucky we all are that no one was injured, and the chocolate remained nicely on the table, not on the carpet!

17 February, 2005 07:58

Blogger Rob said...

Ok, you are all obviously amateurs. First, use Toblerone chocolate. It may seen a little on the pricey side for fondue, but after all we are trying to get at a woman’s heart. Second, use condensed milk, not that cheap stuff that you find in the back of the grocery store. Condensed milk just makes the chocolate creamier, perfect for strawberries, pound cake, marshmallows’s and even cherries, bananas, kiwi fruit, and anything else you can think of. After that, go to Williams Sonoma and buy a good Fondue pot. This will involve heating the chocolate on a burner, then pouring it into a candle-lit fondue pot that will keep it at just the right temperature. After that, enjoy. Oh, and watch the aforementioned female melt as she tries the fondue… pardon my pun.

17 February, 2005 09:12

Blogger Pete said...

Sounds like Rob knows what he's talking about.

17 February, 2005 09:17

Blogger Stephanie said...

Rob, you sound like the maestro of fondue. I had never thought of Toblerone, mainly because it has something crunchy in it. So that isn't problematic? It sounds yummy. In Jay's defense, even as a fondue amateur, he did a great job with his assortment of accoutrements, the cheese, and chocolate. Willa coached him well.

So, Rob, let me get this straight. You heat the chocolate up in the W-S fondue pot and then pour it into another candle-warmed one? I ask only because in my five years of fondue experience, my overzealous fondue pot burner has scalded its contents 65% of the time, and I'd be happy to know if there is a safer route.

Another tip--adding freshly brewed coffee, or even a bit of Kahlua or Bailey's Irish Cream makes chocolate fondue even more heavenly. And you're right, condensed milk has been in every chocolate fondue recipe I have ever tried.

17 February, 2005 11:14

Blogger Rob said...

Take a small saucepan, and add some condensed or evaporated milk or cream and add it to the saucepan. Over a low heat, very low, checking often, and stirring often, add Toblerone (or Godiva, Ghirardelli, even a Terry’s dark chocolate orange). Once all of the chocolate has melted, move it to the fondue pot. Add in a little liquor such as Kirsch, Cointreau or even Grand Marnier to add taste… Not too much though, as it will overpower the chocolate. That’s it… ENJOY!

17 February, 2005 13:44

Blogger alison said...

Hey guys--word to the wise...a concern to also have when making fondue ( besides not burning the chocolate) is not burning the actual fondue pot. Brandon once tried to make fondue four times in one sitting, all while pouring condensed milk/water/whatever into the chocolate. The result? A burned, unuseable fondue pot. Needless to say, it didn't make me swoon, but it did make me laugh so hard that I cried.:)

17 February, 2005 16:44


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