Mixing Helpfulness and Humor Since 2005

Friday, February 25, 2005

Jury Tip of the Day

It's a beautiful, sunny day and everything is going well until you walk to your mailbox and open it up. In it lies the fateful letter calling you to do your civic duty: JURY DUTY. You scream. You yell. You attempt to burn the letter and discover it is nonflammable! You then realize you have to accept your fate. However, here is some advice to those of you who will one day receive this letter that requires you to call every night for a MONTH to discover whether or not you have to report. It's annoying, let me tell you. However, here is how I successfully avoided major jury duty and virtually escaped unharmed, having only to report twice.

First of all, you have to complain a lot when you get the letter. You have to call everyone you know, e-mail them, IM them, whatever it takes so that everyone knows that you DO NOT want to serve jury duty, that it is the biggest inconvenience ever, and you are very upset with your government and questioning those Bill of Rights that you hold so dear. Warn your boss you may be out of the office all the time the next month, and prepare for the worst. Then go to jury duty orientation and listen to the judge. Realize that this is your civic duty, that you may actually want to serve on a jury and serve your country. It's an honor after all, you tell yourself. (So now, you are secretly hoping that you will be chosen to sit on the jury and hear a trial.) At the end of orientation, when given the opportunity, you must ask to be excused from a day during the month (chose a doctor's appointment, a work related activity, etc.). This part is VERY vital to getting out of jury duty. You must choose a day in the middle of the month, in the middle of the week. Preferably, a Wednesday or a Thursday around the 17th or 18th. If you follow these simple steps you should be successful in having to report only once during the entire month. Oh yes--and the day you do have to report, have lots of issues with the trial. Oh--and it's good to be chosen for February--it's a short month after all. :) Good Luck!

-Rach

Labels: ,

5 Comments:

Blogger Kris said...

If you're a teacher, you see enough kids, and know enough kids who do enough stuff, you're bound to have an issue with the trial!

25 February, 2005 08:30

 
Blogger Rob said...

Peter, I am very concerned with this post. Like you said, you should be proud to serve. After all, what if there is a murder suspect on trial, and the person who replaces you on the jury let's them go? Serving on the jury is your part of giving back to the community that you live in; a way to pay for some of the extras that you get in life, you know like taxes, and bad roads. Without these things, wait, hold on, you're right. Nevermind.

25 February, 2005 10:42

 
Blogger Sara Anne said...

As a current criminal law student, I see how VITALLY important the role of a juror really is so Peter, be proud that you can serve our country in this role. I do have some tips though if you'd rather be kicked off the jury. :-)When the attorney's begin asking questions (Voir dire) there are some responses that are likely to get you kicked off the jury...
-Mention how much you love Fox news and have been following this case every night.
-Act really excited to be in the court room b/c you're dream is to be on Law and Order some day.
-Talk to imaginary friends
-Mention that when you were a patient at Eastern State Hospital, you recall meeting the person who is on trial
-Pretend to have medical knowledge
-Talk about all your family members who are lawyers and the valuable asset you will be in bringing justice
-Develop a bladder problem and leave every couple of minutes to use the restroom
-Twitch a lot and act REALLY nervous
-Stare off into space
-Don't give a short response to any of the questions.
i.e. "What is your name?"
Well my last name originates in Scotland clear back in 1595 when my great, great, great, great, great grandfather was born...
Alright, you get the idea! Good luck. :-)

25 February, 2005 11:06

 
Blogger Pete said...

Sorry for the confusion. Even though I posted this tip it was written by RNutt as noted by the "-Rach" at the bottom of the post.

Rob: Are you even a US citizen? (Half joking/half serous)

Sara Anne: Thanks for the tips!

Like this tip from Rach we accept guest tips!

25 February, 2005 13:55

 
Blogger Rnutt said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

25 February, 2005 14:13

 

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home