Mixing Helpfulness and Humor Since 2005

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

The Cheapskates Guide to Parsimony Part I

I will readily confess (under the guise of a pseudonym) to being a bit of a miser when it comes to household goods. I find it hard to justify paying full freight for the brand that dances the samba on TV and promises to improve my love life when I know full well that the plain-white-wrapper model will do its intended job just fine. But there are some things it just does not pay to cheap out on. So, for the benefit of wannabe cheapskates everywhere, I present my lists of items it’s safe to skimp on—and others you’d best pony up for the samba model. Enjoy this exclusive 5-part Guide to Parsimony!

Skimp Away:
Hand soap—At least for those of us with a Y chromosome, there is little obvious benefit to spending $14 on a hand soap that smells like verbena and lemon. Whatever verbena is, anyway. The $1.69 Wal-Mart brand will get your hands just as clean for much less cash.

Pay the Piper:
Facial and Toilet Tissue
—While it's perfectly all right to skimp on paper towels, those usually only come in contact with your hands. When you're dealing with your nose and other sensitive areas, however, you really don't want to go with something closely resembling burlap. That can lead to uncomfortable irritation!. Be kind to your nose and step up to Kleenex or Puffs. Be kind to, ah, yeah... and don't buy the 1-ply cheapo brand.

Check back next week for part 2 of The Cheapskates Guide to Parsimony

8 Comments:

Blogger Pete said...

LOL. Awesome links Dave! or em, I mean Dark Scrivener.

25 May, 2005 00:05

 
Blogger Jay said...

This tip is GREAT! However, I would almost switch these two. One of my roommates, who will remain anonymous (but isn't Peter) kind of insists on the proverbial $14 hand soap. I admit, I thought it was a bit "unparsimonious," however, after using it, I've really enjoyed fragrances such as "Mexican Burrito Grande" and "Warm Country Apple." In addition, someone at our office reverting to purchasing the proverbial $1 hand soap. It smells like a hospital and leaves my hands so DRY I had to purchase $3 hand moisturizing cream. And, because of my earlier tip where I mention drinking a lot of water, I use the restroom frequently, and therefore dry my hands out frequently. So, I disagree on the $1 soap.

25 May, 2005 10:12

 
Blogger The Dark Scrivener said...

jay, I am not an advocate of $1 hand soap, proverbial or not. However, you will notice that the $1.69 moisturizing soap at Wal-Mart is 70 percent more expensive. Still a far cry from $14, but much improved. See, part of being a miser is knowing when you've mised too far.

25 May, 2005 10:41

 
Blogger The Keiser said...

Jay, please. The soap we buy hardly costs $14. In fact, I think every time I've been in the store when they were purchased they were in the Bath and Body Works $3.50 bin. But thanks for your support. As for the toilet paper, Dark Scrivener, you are absolutely right. And if you think single-ply American toilet paper is bad, second world countries have it even worse. Imagine with me for a second using a slightly wider and browner (pre-use color) of those oh-so-festive streamers we use at birthday parties to clean oneself. Speaking of which, has anyone actually ever used a bidet?

25 May, 2005 11:20

 
Blogger vander said...

Snooty hand soap users, use discretion. There are unfortunate smells in every fragrance product family - we will call these the "old lady bathroom" line. They include but are not limited too: gardenia, lavender, and any product that includes the word serenity in its title. Avoid these at all costs. Old ladies everywhere, put your (proverbial) foot down! Rise up and fight! Slough off those Vera Bradley shackles and reclaim your dignity! Freeee-dooooomm!...

25 May, 2005 11:38

 
Blogger Pete said...

I saw "Moth Ball Fresh" on sale at the K-Mart last week.

25 May, 2005 11:53

 
Blogger JCo said...

The communal bathroom at a hotel in Italy had both a bidet and western toilet. I opted for the toilet because I didn't know exactly how to manage the bidet. It just seemed intimidating. I did experiment with it after I finished my business. Found myself laughing hysterically at it!

25 May, 2005 12:23

 
Blogger Stephanie said...

Earlier this month, when I was in England, I visited a former roommate and her boyfriend's recently built, state-of-the-art home. Each room had controls for lighting, musac, temperature, and other things that looked much more complicated than conventional lightswitches (it was like being inside an iPod). Each bathroom had both a Western toilet and a bidet. I'm not sure i could even use a bathroom with a bidet looming nearby. Like Jen, I find them a little indimidating. It's like that proverbial elephant in the room.

I've experienced the crepe paper inspired toilet tissue in France (it often was pink and was issued per-sheet). Thankfully, England and Ireland loos had "normal" toilet tissue...but then again, there were our days out on the trail on the side of a mountain in Ireland (in the pouring rain) where we weren't afforded that luxury. ;-) Even though using the woods is nostalgic for us outdoorsy folk and reminds us that we can "rough it," these experiences make one appreciate Charmin all the more. ;-)

25 May, 2005 12:51

 

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