Mixing Helpfulness and Humor Since 2005

Monday, September 26, 2005

How-To Guide to Keep the Government from Seizing your Property (Part VIII)

8. Rock Paper Scissors - Only use this devastating strategy as a last resort, as the mental and psychological ramifications can be extreme. Come out your front door waving a white flag, and asking for negotiations. (For you French out there, you will have a strong temptation to make this your first strategy, but you must not give in.) Challenge the highest ranking government official to a high-stakes no-holds-barred game of Rock Paper Scissors. This could be the mayor, but by this time, it is entirely possible that a 4-star general or even the governor may be present. Regardless of rank, no one can resist the sirens' song of Rock Paper Scissors. Make sure you have refined your strategies and technique. If you lose the first round, quickly say, "Best of three!" If you find yourself losing again, shout out, "Best of five!" No chivalrous man would do you the dishonor of refusing. Unfortunately, outside the military's officer corps, very few government officials are chivalrous, and this could be your undoing.

So that's the guide. If all these strategies ultimately fail, maybe you can get a job at the Lost Liberty Hotel, and better luck next time!

Thank you so much to Citizen Grim and Right Hand of God for letting us "reprint" this hilarious guide. If you missed any part of this 8 part guide the links to the rest of it are below:

Guide to Keep the Government from Seizing your Property (Part I)
Guide to Keep the Government from Seizing your Property (Part II)
Guide to Keep the Government from Seizing your Property (Part III)
Guide to Keep the Government from Seizing your Property (Part IV)
Guide to Keep the Government from Seizing your Property (Part V)
Guide to Keep the Government from Seizing your Property (Part VI)
Guide to Keep the Government from Seizing your Property (Part VII)

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